Please Stand By

I'm not super amusing today. I'm feeling sluggish and would give anything for a nap right now.
I went to see Dr. L yesterday and we decided to go with our #2 drug. Depakote. Reason being that Lithium comes with the risk of thyroid problems. While it isn't anything major and it is treatable the diabetes also comes with the same potential risk and so we decided it's best not to tempt fate. Oh and there is also a risk of kidney damage, but again it isn't a guarantee and it isn't deadly. Ok sure whatever. Just feed me some pills doc!
The fun really began when I picked up the prescription. Keep in mind the only thing we really talked about was the drowsiness that this stuff could cause. He also gave me directions on how to take it. 1 tablet a night before bedtime for the 1st week. 2 tablets a night before bed for the next week. 2 tablets at bedtime and 1 in the morning for the next week. Well really from the third week on until further notice. He said not to worry about it seeming like I was taking a truckload of pills. His goal is to get me to around 1200 to 1500mg a day. Holy shit right?! Apparently he's got a patient on approximately 2500 I was like wow so that bitch is 2x as crazy as I am! So there I am at the pharmacy super excited that I only paid $10 for it. Gawd I love generic medications! So I come up to the pharmacist since he has to release them. So he asks if I was made aware of the side effects I should be aware of. Um... not really why don't you share Mr. Pharmacist! And he does... poor guy couldn't look me in the eye possibly because of the way my eyes kept getting wider and wider. So he starts with... You may notice tremors. They're somewhat common, this is an anti-seizure medication... are you taking this for seizures or um... (starts looking way above my head) moods? That totally made me a little self conscious too and I was like uh... um.. moods...
So he moves onto "Well this can also trigger seizures, that's another pretty common thing but more likely if you already suffer from seizures." Are you serious? Not that I expect to have a seizure but explain to me why a medication made to treat seizures will also set them off. Also the seizures can be triggered while on the medication and mixing it with alcohol. Well slap my ass and call me crazy! This shit is gonna put a damper on my weekends! But hey what's a little shaking and drooling between friends?! Oh but we haven't yet gotten to the best and definitely not least of the effects to look for. Rash. And not any kind of rash but a life-threatening one. I thought the med that was off the table was the one that caused the rash! Gawddamnit! I couldn't do anything other than laugh.
I have to keep laughing cause I'm sure one of the stated effects will eventually rear its ugly head. I guess if it's the tremors then I can live with that. I had read about one medicine that causes this condition where your eyes shift stupid fast back and forth and you get stuck like that for like ever. This one isn't it so I guess if my hands shake a little for a while then I can deal with that. But if you really knew me, you'd know that I'm usually the worst care scenario. Take this entire situation for example. I went in for some Xanax or Valium. I walked out with a whole new diagnosis. Crazy is as crazy does.  So please stand by while some version of me comes back ladies and (if there are any) gentlemen.