She's fat and sassy!

Kinda not how I'm feeling today. The morning started off fine with the exception of a pesky headache. It quickly progressed to include nausea and dry heaving. I made it until 10 am when I just had to get out of the office. I was having that extra saliva building up in my mouth that comes right before you throw up. I'm sure you know the feeling. I know I'm not crazy for thinking that! So I came home. My head was pounding my eyes hurt I wanted to throw up and I wanted peace and quiet.
Instead I came home to more construction. I wanted to bang my head against the steering wheel when I pulled up. How could I forget? I was just there like 2 hours ago and they had just gotten started for the day. But really what other choice did I have? I dragged my sick ass up the stairs and inside. I gagged a lot. The thought of my face near the toilet grosses me out no matter how clean that fucker is. I tried and tried to no avail to throw up. So I moved onto the couch. I couldn't lay in bed because they were working on the siding of the building closest to my bed. I figured a centralized position in the middle of the living room should be ok. Then they started working on the deck. Oh FUCK ME! Really guys? Then the front of the house! I was literally surrounded by hammers, and saws and banging and noise and hell all entirely hell. I tried and tried to sleep. I would half doze only to be woken by the sound of more and louder bangs. I pooped a lot. Yes I know you don't want to know that. But my butt was on fire! I think the pork chops were getting their revenge on me.
By the time I woke up with my blood sugar crashing I realized I hadn't eaten all morning, or afternoon by that time. It was about 1 or 2 pm and I was starving. I wandered into the kitchen where I found absolutely nothing I could put together into a meal. I had cheese and no tortillas or bread. I had peanut butter and jelly again no goddamn bread. So I decided I would venture out to the market of choice pick up some lunch and some pepto, immodium, or anything designed to stop the runs and pain. As I was slapping on my shoes I thought I heard the door. So I swing the bastard open only to find a gapping hole where my porch once was. Also there was a freaked out looking construction worker yelling for me not to step outside and a strangely perched UPS delivery guy asking if Michael Jones resided here. I was so confused so out of it. I was like ok no I won't step off my front door and yes he does. Um.. could you uh... leave that somewhere?
So much for lunch or meds. I went back to the couch and pouted. I have no fucking food, no way to get food into the house. i suppose I could order a pizza but they've taken down my house numbers so if they found their way here they would also be posed with the same question of how the hell to get my food in the door. I found an expired bag of tortilla chips that I hadn't opened and a jar of salsa. I made some ghetto nachos which did more harm than good to my already wrecked stomach and I went back to sleep. Somewhere around 4:30 I woke up and all sounds of work that subsided.

I looked out back and I had the beginning of a deck, I opened the front door and to my glorious surprise there was once more a slab of wood where hours earlier only a hole resided. As you can tell from that picture only a small piece of front porch remained I don't know what made it so special but there it stood holding up my welcome mat which really should read "Go Away" and the package that Mike received.
What a day indeed. Now I feel better, I had dinner and it stayed down and inside. Oz is here... whole other entry. But leave it to say that my kitchen is like an OCD dream and all of my laundry is clean and put away. That was more out of shame than anything! Well with that... off to bed. Drugs await me!