I haven't quit... yet... I've gotten a 3 day reprieve from those awful fiber drinks which makes this a little more bearable. There are so many horse tablets to swallow though! There are 4 gel tabs that I can take all at once or split up, 2 am 2 pm. Then theres this packet of herbal cleanse I take before bed that would be 3 giant pills that smell pretty bad and during these 3 days off the fiber drinks there are another 3 pills. These are regular people sized pills, probiotics I believe. I suppose the idea is really that all these pills are filling you up! We're supposed to be eating 5 small meals a day. We fail at that. Yesterday we had a banana for breakfast. We didn't leave the house until close to noon we went and had lunch and our next meal wasn't until about 8pm. No snacks, no munchies nothing. Oz is not gonna be happy with us! According to the scale I am up another pound since Tuesday. That's just irritating. I think the problem is that I'm so backed up! I used to be on a pretty consistent poop schedule. One would think with all the extra fiber I'd be spending hours of my day on the toilet, but I'm not. It's frustrating. Well it's day 5, 19 more to go, I'm not going to call this a complete failure until day 23.
We went out to dinner last night, Mike said just pick where your heart is telling you to. I said my heart was steak fries and ranch... to which he responds with "your heart isn't in this diet is it!" No sir it is not! I love salads and veggies but when I'm told that has to be my main source of sustenance for almost a month, I am going to completely buck against the system. It is simply my nature. We ended up at McGrath's fish house. I tried a new fish. I had the Marlin with steamed broccoli and red potatoes, no butter. The fish itself was delicious! So much for saying I don't like fish huh? I guess I just can't really do salmon. I try cause I'm supposed to but I just can't. Mike and I tried to pick the fish that were not served in a butter or cream sauce. Mine was crusted in coconut and almonds and did have a bit of a cream sauce but wasn't drowning in it. It was like a pineapple sauce, very tasty. Mike had a cajun steel-head served with a mango salsa, I got a bite out of him very tasty. All things considered not bad. I guess if I had left the bread alone it would have been better but hey I'm working on making better choices and that isn't going to happen over night. I forwent the beer battered shrimp or the shrimp scampi and the coconut shrimp and the stuffed shrimp, the baked potato loaded with butter, sour cream and cheese. All my life seafood has been synonymous with shrimp. I can eat the hell out of some shrimp cocktail, it's like engraved in my genes. So for me to go out for seafood and eat marlin or any other type of fish that had a face is really quite a difference!
So on a side note, I've been thinking that it is high time I make an appointment to talk to my Dr. I think I need to consider the idea of staying off of antidepressants and maybe just go on something like diazepam (valium) or Xanax. More often than not it is just a build up of crazy that suddenly makes it impossible function properly. The problem with the antidepressants being that they zap my libido which really causes more anxiety because it makes Mike frustrated which makes me frustrated at him and me! Of course if you ask my mother I should just chill the eff out. Thanks madre!
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