You're being watched... Yes, you.

It's not the government this time!!

If you've ever had the sensation that you're being watched, you're probably right and it's probably me. I tend to stare I don't quite know why. I used to think I was just a people watcher but I'm much more of a starer than anything. For instance those two scary body builder girls at the gym. I can't help myself! I try to look away but I just keep watching them. Kinda creepy? Absolutely! Am I gonna stop? Absolutely not! I think the longer I've been off my meds the more pronounced this is becoming. Partially because I go out in public and am overcome by anxiety or feelings of unexplainable rage. Be it the crazy, hearing impaired woman at Olive Garden or the screaming children at the grocery store, there are just too many incidents to count. 

So why am not medicated yet? Well there are a few good reasons. Ok really there really is just one. It's a double edged sword and his name is Mike. I've been medicated for the better part of the last five years. Mike hasn't gotten laid for the better part of those five years. Poor bastard I can't believe he actually married me! And I will not hold it against you if you stopped reading after that last sentence up there. When I started taking Lexapro, Mike was so excited. It was like a wonder drug that took away the demented woman he bamboozled himself into falling in love with and replaced her with someone he could actually imagine living with! He was doing PSA's for that stuff to anyone that would listen. I for my part went from a very angry account rep at a time share company to a less angry person who stopped slamming the rubber wrist guard against their desk in fits of rage.  One of the side effects of this sudden amazing new woman who came into the room was that her libido ran screaming from the room. So for the next five years Mike's least favorite word became NO. Poor bastard has heard it so often it nearly replaced his name. Since going off the meds he's either been really happy, really miserable or really happy. Maybe confused. 

So what does any of this have to do with my creepy behavior? Well I mean obviously it just goes hand in hand. Last night I was sitting on a recumbent bike pedaling away. I can't believe what a terrible mood that place puts me in! Maybe Gold's Gym isn't for me. It makes me angry. People go there to be seen more than to actually work out. At least at the DAC the old white people don't give a flying fig about anyone but themselves. So there I was in that dingy, badly lit gym trying to keep myself going and wishing Pandora would stop being a pmsing bitch. Then I see her. This plump little girl making her way to a treadmill. She stopped and set her water bottle down, then walked off to the left and came back with a magazine. I was still trying to figure out where the magazine came from when she plopped her chunky ass up there. I started watching her she stood off to the side and started the machine. I think that was where it began... my annoyance with her. Aren't you supposed to be on the machine when the belt starts? Generally folks get off the belt when they're trying to get off of it cause they were going too fast not cause it is about to begin moving at a very slow pace. Ok let us see where this goes... She manages to get herself going. And going... suddenly it hits me. This heifer is strutting! What the hell? Was she some reject from America's Next Top Model? Was she learning under Miss Jay and Mr. Jay? What the hell lady why are you walking that way?!?! STOP IT STOP IT PLEASE STOP IT! The longer I watched her the more I wanted to throw my phone at the back of her head. Why was it boiling my blood that way? I don't have any idea except that I'm totally insane. I momentarily considered running across all of the treadmills next to her and just bull rushing her off of hers. I could totally picture it in my head. Instead I pulled out my phone and recorded her chunky strut. Yes I really did record her. Am I proud of it? Not really. Was it something only really crazy people do? Maybe not. It could have been bad if I had recorded it to make fun of her on the internet, but I did it for proof. I didn't want Mike to say I was crazy so I was gonna show him her strut and hope that he agreed that she was foolishly strutting. Instead he concluded that I am not only crazy but also creepy. So do I need to be medicated? Hell yes. Will I be medicated as soon as I need to? Probably not.