I’ve been having consistent dreams involving tidal waves over the past few weeks. Along with tornados, tidal wave dreams have become my new obsessive fear. I’m land locked in this here town yet I constantly dream of unending walls of water coming my way. Of course I’m never at home in Eugene when these walls appear. A few nights back I dreamt that I was driving down some unknown road, I can’t quite figure out if it was late afternoon or if my dreams were just hazed. I was driving the car; I think there might have been a passenger in it with me. Suddenly I look up to see this mountain of water speeding towards me. I cringed… I remember stopping the car, realizing there was no way in hell I’d be able to flee before becoming engulfed in the murky waters coming my way. I remember wondering if I should have put the emergency brake on. Maybe that would have kept the vehicle from moving. Wishful thinking, I’ve seen the videos of the Tsunamis!
Last night in my dream I was in some tropical place, I want to say Costa Rica. I was thinking of it when I was looking at flights to California. Specifically an ad for a Sandals resort, one day… So back to the story at hand, shall we? I was staying in a hotel with all of the family; it seemed to be a really big hotel suite. One of the rooms had bunk beds, there were 3 beds stacked together but they were really small. I remember telling Kennia that she had to sleep on one and she had a fit. I remember the kids were all there too. Natty, Tori, Kat and Adrian, I was so excited to see them and they were getting so big and I was just so happy to be with all of the family again. Next thing I know everyone is gone and I’m standing outside. I could see the waves crashing on the beach. They were tremendous in size and I was worried that our hotel was too close to the water’s edge. I walked further away from the beach. I was alone but talking out loud as I walked. I looked up and there was an enormous wave picking up speed and height. I thought oh God this is it and braced myself but instead of drowning everything out the wave crashed on the sand and went back in the ocean. I was so scared it was difficult to catch my breath. I was sure that would have been the end of it for me. Later I walked along the beach with someone, the waves continued to crash menacingly but I recall walking in the water maybe up to my ankles. It felt like bath water, warm enough to be satisfying but not hot enough to feel like I would cook. The person I was walking with asked me if I was afraid of the ocean. I told her I had grown up playing in the ocean and always loved it but was now terrified of being carried away by the tide. We both noticed how frighteningly dark it suddenly became. That is when I finally woke up.
I still don’t sleep well, I toss and turn and I can hear the t.v the entire night. It has been an interesting week schedule wise. Not working my 4x10 schedule has been nice, but I sure did miss having Monday off! I don’t get it though, I can go to bed whenever and get that full 8hrs of sleep even if I’m waking up at 6. Yet when I wake up and the entire day following it I feel like I have been tormented and kept awake for days at a time. If I’m getting up at 7:00 because I’m not starting work until 8:30, I have still accomplished 8 hours of sleep but feel completely different. What does this have to do with tidal waves? Who knows I was just thinking about that. I suppose not sleeping well can lead to nightmares or nightmares lead to not sleeping well. They go hand in hand, let us leave it there. But I was truly puzzled by all of the dreams I’ve been having so like an old fashioned internet junkie I pulled out my phone first thing in the morning and looked up the meaning of tidal waves.
Here is what thedreamwell.com says:
Dreaming of a tidal wave, or any massive wave, is usually experienced from the viewpoint of watching it approach, either on shore, from a hill or some other near-by vantage point. This dream may often be accompanied by a sense of fear or panic. To understand dreams of this nature, it can help to start by understanding what water and the sea mean to us in dreams (see “Dream Meanings: Water” post.) If we look at water in our dreams as a symbol of our emotions and feelings, part of our inner world, then tidal waves can be like our emotions welling up and getting a little out of control. One of the advantages of being on shore or nearby watching the wave approach in the dream is that it gives us an opportunity to step outside ourselves and look at what we are feeling. This is usually a helpful thing to do when our emotions get so strong that they well up into a massive wave!Tidal waves often appear in our dreams when are under a lot of pressure or when significant change is occurring. They may be a an indication that we feel a little overwhelmed, that maybe we fear we won’t be able to cope or adjust with what we see in our own future. They may occur as recurring dreams, with the wave getting bigger or closer over subsequent nights. This may correspond to our increasing anxiety, or the looming date we fear getting closer. It is worth recognizing that when we have these dreams there is often an area of our life that we are not looking at clearly, or that we are avoiding. Tidal wave dreams remind us that if we don’t confront and deal with things that are out of balance in our life, then they will confront us first! There are few clearer signs of confrontation than standing right before a towering body of surging water!
You don’t say? I’ve been MIA from my own blog for a while now mostly because I start to write and then lose the will to carry on. I’ve been slowly or maybe it’s quickly backsliding into a low. More irritable and depressed than I have since starting the new medications, mostly depressed. In spite of taking them religiously I still feel like I’m losing control. My heart hurts when I think of my family and all that is going on. My brother says we all sweat the small stuff, my mom says I shouldn’t be sad because they aren’t. But when things are just so far out of your control and you’re watching so many things just crumble to dust it is hard not to have feelings about it. I’ve had the time set aside to go home for a while now. I wasn’t sure if I was going to use it before because of financial reasons. Then it became more of a survival thing. I couldn’t bear to think of going home in the middle of all the turbulence, I didn’t want to get caught up in it and really just wish I could go home for a happy occasion ( baby shower anyone? Maybe a wedding? I guess In-N-Out will have to be it!) Then I realized if I don’t go now, I don’t know when I ever will. I thought maybe I should wait until Mike finds a new job, well the way the economy looks we don’t know when that could be. And if he did get a job it could be months before I could go anywhere because I’d be wrapped up in whatever mess a new job means to us! So I found an amazing deal of airfare and decided I had to take it. Victoria asked me a few months ago if I’d be home for her birthday. I told her I’d try my hardest. Now I know I will be and I just hope I can see her. So that’s that… I’m afraid of tidal waves and I hope I don’t run into any when I go home.
No comments:
Post a Comment