We rounded out day 20 with a trip down to the bed bath and beyond. That place is seriously dangerous. There is so much crap that you don't need but always see and think oOooO shinny! For me it was the plastic lawn, aka a counter top drying station for bottles. You can probably figure out why but in case you can't, for my bottles! They're usually sitting upside down on a dish towel trying to dry themselves out somewhat unsuccessfully. So anyway I left the fake lawn there but I really considered it... There was some thing that looks like a nail gun to tenderize meat that we saw years ago and now we were like oooo maybe when we're done with the fast... Old habits die hard. But the tools and gadgets and odds and ends!! They're everywhere and I want one of everything! We did pretty good, I picked up a longer bottle brush and a straw brush. Crazy right? I was pretty surprised that they sell straw brushes but it makes sense. I've been using crafting pipe cleaners but it makes me leery that there's gross bacteria inside the straws even when I leave them soaking in boiling hot water. So anyway, I bought that straw brush and was really excited. We also picked up a cherry pitter for Mike as well as a pressure cooker! Wow that thing is wild! It was fun to try out and I'm excited to cook stuff in it that I'll be able to eat. Tonight we made a veggie stock in it which is still sitting and marinating. I'll get to putting it away in a bit.
I am feeling extra unmotivated at the moment. I made that stock and soup for dinner and now I'm just meh... There's some grumbling in my stomach. Not hunger pangs at all just rumblings, I wish it would just quiet down already! I'm also extra rambly tonight. That's not a word, don't judge me! The weather is getting ready to take another ugly turn down here. More rain, more scary swollen rivers. Another great reason to live on a second floor unit. Blah blah blah pressure cooker blah blah blah... I just wanted to tell yall that we got a pressure cooker but that's really about it. We went and had our blood drawn today so we should be getting a call from the Dr. any day now. Zu keep taking your goddamn cholesterol meds is the message I'll have on my voice mail cause I'll surely miss or ignore the call. He'll be singing Mike's praises cause Mike is awesome and I'm a big stinker. Just another reason to say Thanks Mom and Dad!
We did this health screening at work on Friday that's how I know my cholesterol is still high. In exchange for telling them how disgustingly unhealthy we are we get a contribution to our VEBA accounts. Honestly I don't know what the hell my VEBA account is. I think it's like part of my retirement fund that goes directly to pay for my future medical costs. I gotta keep stock piling the $$ in there cause lord knows I'm gonna need it! Anyway so we met with a nurse they weighed any willing participants and they drew a bit of blood checked cholesterol and blood glucose levels and then you go to our insurance website and do this little survey and it basically tells you your health and what your "physical" age is vs your actual age. According to that thing my health is equivalent to that of a 33 yr old. Not sure what that really means... So if at 33 I'm the same then I'll be right on track? It also told me I was at high risk for the beetus and depression. Well fuck me running! Depression? Me? NO WAY!! And the goddamn beetus?! I simply cannot accept this diagnosis internets!!! Haha life is good on meds let me tell you! So that's that, I'm dying faster than the average bear, but we're all gonna get there eventually right? Just gotta make the best out of the hand you've been dealt. Unfortunately for me I will never be one of those skinny bitches who gets to dunk french fries in a frosty. But really why would I want to do that? That's gross.
Monday
Sunday
Tales from the juicer
Hmmm... that would be a good title for a blog. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you all not to steal it k? Scouts honor guys? Thanks! So moving on... today is day 19. Sure there have been some miserable slip ups here and there but I don't plan on starting from day 1 each time I mess up. 95% of my days have been spent ingesting nothing but juice and water and so therefore I am calling it good. Tonight I am cold, tired and was slightly grumpy earlier. Over all the day has gone well. Weekends are difficult for me, I have mentioned it before but they just are. I am unprepared in the morning because I don't juice on Friday nights. By the time I drag my ass out of bed and make juice it is generally 10 to 11 in the morning and my blood sugar is on a fast and furious slide downward. Oddly enough that isn't the reason I get out of bed. I don't usually notice it anymore. Probably not an accomplishment I should be happy about but it beats the urge to eat an entire side of cow and washing that down with a carton of ice cream. The spots in my vision are irritating enough for me to say "Ok, time to get this done."
This morning I was blissfully laying in bed watching shitty t.v when I got a text message. Hmmm who might this be? Well it was none other than Mike Jones. The message: Juice? Why yes I would love some, I responded. Fucker. I got out of bed and threw a bunch of apples through the juicer. Decided to "green" it up a bit by throwing in some celery, a couple oranges and finished it off with a chunk of pineapple. As I laid in bed contemplating the day I heard him holler something about going to the gym. Bleeeerg... Ok Mike that sounds awesome... NOT... So that's where we left it. I watched a lot of worthless t.v, he shot a bunch of Russians and lord knows what. Eventually we made it out the door for produce. Cash & Carry has become my weekly go to spot. Where else can I spend $100 on 20lbs of apples, 20 lbs of tomatoes, 4 lbs of strawberries, 20ish lbs of cucumbers, 10lbs of celery, 5lbs of oranges, a giant sack of mint, a giant sack of lemons etc. Basically we came home with close to 100lbs of produce so at $1/lb I don't have a big problem with that! We made a pit stop at Jamba Juice for a quick sugar pick me up. Carrot Orange juice, fresh squeezed and or juiced. Did a body good. And off we went to the gym. 45 minutes of sweating and hating life yielded me 500 calories burned on the elliptical. Woohoo! One last grocery store stop for star anise and finally home. Hauling all that damn produce up the stairs was insane. Mike looked at me like I was an ass for only hauling up one of the 20+ lb boxes of tomatoes to his 50ish lb box. Sorry dude I am not as strong as you are! In turn I ended up making 3 trips to his 2. We've ended the day with a V8ish concoction that Mike put together. Pretty tasty. Now I'm just tired so so tired. I have to wash out the bottles and make more juice for tomorrow. Do Not WANT! Just want to sleep now thank you. Tomorrow morning we're gonna go get some labs done thank you doc! Gonna check electrolytes, cholesterol, A1C, and kidney function. Gonna make sure we is not dead and or dying and while we're at it get a gauge of where we're "starting". Sure it's not day 1 but we need to know where abouts we started to see how far we get by the end. Progress has been pretty good as far as weight goes. I for instance lost a total of 25lbs the first time around and now I have lost 10 in the first 2 weeks. Not bad right? Gotta keep on keeping on!
This morning I was blissfully laying in bed watching shitty t.v when I got a text message. Hmmm who might this be? Well it was none other than Mike Jones. The message: Juice? Why yes I would love some, I responded. Fucker. I got out of bed and threw a bunch of apples through the juicer. Decided to "green" it up a bit by throwing in some celery, a couple oranges and finished it off with a chunk of pineapple. As I laid in bed contemplating the day I heard him holler something about going to the gym. Bleeeerg... Ok Mike that sounds awesome... NOT... So that's where we left it. I watched a lot of worthless t.v, he shot a bunch of Russians and lord knows what. Eventually we made it out the door for produce. Cash & Carry has become my weekly go to spot. Where else can I spend $100 on 20lbs of apples, 20 lbs of tomatoes, 4 lbs of strawberries, 20ish lbs of cucumbers, 10lbs of celery, 5lbs of oranges, a giant sack of mint, a giant sack of lemons etc. Basically we came home with close to 100lbs of produce so at $1/lb I don't have a big problem with that! We made a pit stop at Jamba Juice for a quick sugar pick me up. Carrot Orange juice, fresh squeezed and or juiced. Did a body good. And off we went to the gym. 45 minutes of sweating and hating life yielded me 500 calories burned on the elliptical. Woohoo! One last grocery store stop for star anise and finally home. Hauling all that damn produce up the stairs was insane. Mike looked at me like I was an ass for only hauling up one of the 20+ lb boxes of tomatoes to his 50ish lb box. Sorry dude I am not as strong as you are! In turn I ended up making 3 trips to his 2. We've ended the day with a V8ish concoction that Mike put together. Pretty tasty. Now I'm just tired so so tired. I have to wash out the bottles and make more juice for tomorrow. Do Not WANT! Just want to sleep now thank you. Tomorrow morning we're gonna go get some labs done thank you doc! Gonna check electrolytes, cholesterol, A1C, and kidney function. Gonna make sure we is not dead and or dying and while we're at it get a gauge of where we're "starting". Sure it's not day 1 but we need to know where abouts we started to see how far we get by the end. Progress has been pretty good as far as weight goes. I for instance lost a total of 25lbs the first time around and now I have lost 10 in the first 2 weeks. Not bad right? Gotta keep on keeping on!
Friday
All therapy no juice
Doc really took off the kid gloves today. I haven’t seen him in almost a year and he says so what’s new? What’s new? Well Doc I haven’t seen you in a year so, how much time do we have? I blathered on like a lunatic on crack. I feel so selfish for not saying so doc what’s new with you? Of course I am paying you to listen to me so do so attentively please. Luckily he’s not like the T.V doctors that would respond with something scripted like “How would knowing what my life has been like change how you’re feeling right now?” I would punch a T.V shrink so quickly. Condescending fucks.
So anyway I gave him the semi abridged recap of our lives. Went to Cinci, Mike’s mom was mean and hostile, Mike’s dad was cool, Grandma was nice and has a plethora of cool shit around her house. Came home, Mike got fired. Tired of hearing the PW war tales from the entire platoon… It’s funny how therapy works, one second you’re sitting there bitching about something then suddenly you realize what it sounded like coming out of your face hole. For instance, I realized how insensitive I have been towards Mike’s feelings. Getting let go from that place was a traumatic experience. They were some cruel bastards that took pleasure in it. And for every one of the platoon members it was probably traumatizing in their own way. Blah, blah, blah, juicing. Oh yeah we’re not eating food. We’re juicing. Crazy right? Mike lost 45lbs and he was biking like a maniac. He really liked hearing that. Then onto me…
I caught him up on all the stuff that happened with the family and how mom and I broke up. How I drank myself into oblivion trying to cope with the crumbling relationships in my life, how shitty “she” treated me. The horrible and painful things “she” said to me. And how disconnected it all left me feeling. I came away with a giant wad of tear soaked tissues and some revelations. Good and bad but mostly good. This idea of unconditional love has been difficult for me to wrap my mind around. It may take until I am old and frail to understand it and if I never do then that’s okay too. I wish there was scientific facts that could show in numbers, percentages, charts with colorful bars and pies what goes on in the soul. Abstract ideas are just so difficult when it makes no sense that someone would make certain choices.
He reminded me that you can really be unhappy with someone and really not like them but still love them deeply. To be angry at their choices and their actions and be hurt, feel betrayed maybe even want to smother them but continue to love them. It is possible. He said my parents are actually quite amazing people who have somehow managed to love us in a way that some parents are never able to love their children. A lot of people talk about unconditional love but my parents are honestly practicing it and whether it is enabling her to make further mistakes, it is a risk that they are choosing to take because they love her. He told me that my parents are in no way rejecting me by telling me they love us equally despite the horrible things she’s done but in fact I am rejecting my parents. I was taken aback by that statement. How can you tell me I am rejecting my parents? He told me to consider this: I love my babies who love their mother; do I feel rejected by the kids because they love their mother? No, I guess I don’t. So he said then why do you feel rejection from your parents because they love your sister? It cut me because it is true. I am hurt by their acceptance of her and I pushed away.
On the other side of the coin my other shrink helped me realize that part of the angst that I am feeling is because our relationship is forever changed. I have to build a new relationship with them. I am no longer just their little girl, I have grown up and it’s time I have a grown up relationship with them. I don’t care much for change especially if I am the one making the change. Yet here I am. Making changes, big ones: changes that don’t involve hair color and new clothes, changes that are more than skin deep. They both agreed that I am far from the person I was 2 or 3 years ago. He focused more on where I am right now; she is focusing on helping me get to where I am going. He reminded me that I’ve been talking myself through some tough situations and that’s a good thing. I need to continue with my own dialogue. I need to continue reminding myself who I am, what I am doing and why I need to do it.
Ha, a thought just came to mind as I finished that sentence… I might have mentioned when I started seeing the new doctor that she taught me about the two schools of psychology. I can’t remember the terminology but basically the idea that if you can think it you can become it and then the idea that you need to do it to achieve it. Cognitive and behavioral therapies I believe they are. And I would have to think back but I think she was more a behavioral therapist. I think he’s more a cognitive therapist. Maybe that’s why I was going hmmm a lot when I sat through therapy today. Anyway that was just a side discussion with myself which is over now, thank you for following along there!
Anyway I have struggled with my inflated pride in the past. We’ve talked about it, and we’ve worked through it. It’s a trait I picked up from my father. And chances are I am not the only one of my siblings with it. Ok I know my siblings inherited it as well, I was just trying to be nice. So what does that mean? Well that means that I can’t expect an apology. I really shouldn’t hold my breath waiting for one. As far as this person is concerned I don’t deserve one because they haven’t done anything wrong. Am I wrong in speaking for them? Meh, I really don’t think so. I have a good idea of what they think of me which is very little. Doc thinks it won’t be until this person starts to see that they have work to do on themselves that they might come around. So there we have it. I’m not entirely out of my mind; I just have some work to do on myself. I am eccentric, quirky, wild, sarcastic, kind, fun, boring, a prude, and a prune. I love too much, I am reckless, I am mean, and I am smart and dumb. Take me or leave me, you get what you get.
Monday
13
Today I manned up and dragged my squishy ass to the gym. The last few days I have been taking less and less of my insulin down to about 75% of my hourly base rate. I think I'm gonna try 70 before bedtime and maybe a little less during the day as well. I haven't been taking any correction insulin for my "meals" and I still am hanging low. In turn I've been drinking really sugary juices which isn't a good idea. So today for the first time since I started juicing again my blood sugar was on the higher end of the scale. It was 159 and I was like oh snap! I took 1.5 units of correction insulin and we went off to the gym. An hour later we were leaving the gym and I was nagging Mike to drink some juice cause his blood sugar was like 73 or something. So I decided to check my own expecting to see like 90-100. That shit was 67! Oops! Good thing I made some sugary stuff expecting that might would be on the edge of death.
So all is better now, yay! Day 13 wrapping up here soon. I think Mike is right and we need to get more activity in. We can't really bike ride in this weather and he really was hesitant of going to the gym "cause it's not the same". Well my dear, it's either the gym or the couch cause the biking thing isn't gonna happen right now! So it was nice to be on the elliptical today getting my sweat on.
All that aside, I have been in a piss poor mood lately. Not eating anything is really getting to me. The last time around we were eating salads and soup and we did pretty good. Mike thinks we were successful because of the biking and he's probably right. We're being pretty strong, though Mike has some challenging days coming ahead. He's gotta go to Seattle tomorrow for court first thing Wednesday. Poor bastard with his luck they'll cancel court. I'm gonna bite my tongue though cause it just makes it no easier for me! So tomorrow he's gonna juice a good bit and take it with him. In a pinch there's always Naked Juice and V8 but it just isn't the same. The real challenge will come when he goes to Cincinnati. We were talking about doing the juice only for 60 days and juice and veggies for the following 60. I don't know though and he will probably agree that if we can make it to 60 we should just keep going it will be easier to backslide if we start adding anything back. So we will see. One juice at a time.
So all is better now, yay! Day 13 wrapping up here soon. I think Mike is right and we need to get more activity in. We can't really bike ride in this weather and he really was hesitant of going to the gym "cause it's not the same". Well my dear, it's either the gym or the couch cause the biking thing isn't gonna happen right now! So it was nice to be on the elliptical today getting my sweat on.
All that aside, I have been in a piss poor mood lately. Not eating anything is really getting to me. The last time around we were eating salads and soup and we did pretty good. Mike thinks we were successful because of the biking and he's probably right. We're being pretty strong, though Mike has some challenging days coming ahead. He's gotta go to Seattle tomorrow for court first thing Wednesday. Poor bastard with his luck they'll cancel court. I'm gonna bite my tongue though cause it just makes it no easier for me! So tomorrow he's gonna juice a good bit and take it with him. In a pinch there's always Naked Juice and V8 but it just isn't the same. The real challenge will come when he goes to Cincinnati. We were talking about doing the juice only for 60 days and juice and veggies for the following 60. I don't know though and he will probably agree that if we can make it to 60 we should just keep going it will be easier to backslide if we start adding anything back. So we will see. One juice at a time.
Saturday
Lesson Learned
I had every intention to stick to my juice, I had done so well. Juice juice juice with the exception of that bag of pistachios the other night. Then a delivery man showed up at my desk with $60 worth of chinese food. Fucker. I stole a mushroom off a coworkers plate and was pleasantly surprised that it tasted like ass. MSG will do that to food! Then comes bunco and I threw all the rules out the window. I lasted all of I don't know 10-15 minutes before I gave up my resolution.
A few pieces of cucumber, a few pieces of bread, a couple crackers. It wasn't as gory and grease filled as it could have. There were no cheeseburgers, no fries and no potato chips while locked in the car crying in shame. I came home and like I always do, I confessed my sins to the mister. My stomach however was giving me no reprieve. There were not enough hail mary's that I could have said to have received penance for my actions. My stomach was howling! Oh it hurt and it grumbled and other stuff. So that's how that went. I absolutely cannot ever again do that. Never, ever, ever again! You cannot break a fast by just chomping down on something! So now I know. Now I also know that I should probably schedule a day of vacation for the end of my fast cause Mike and I will be fighting over the toilet if we fuck it up!
I was watching a show "white collar" and there's a scene with some woman waiting for her husband who's not coming home for dinner and she calls their golden retriever over and she lets it at his dinner. Oh good lord if I could have been that dog for that scene!
So where are we anyway? I kinda lost track... I want to say today is the 11th. Yeah that sounds right. The days start to blur together the only thing that differentiates one from the next is how hungry I am. We're gonna try and make more vegetable dense juices. I've had to lower my insulin intake to approximately 75% on an hourly basis. If we're consuming less fruit we're gonna have to slash the insulin again. Mike is already taking like less than half of what he was taking pre-juicing. You should know that his reduced level is just a smidge over what he was taking during the last fast. He has reduced his insulin in take by more than half since we started juicing last summer. That my friends is astounding! He's a dumb man sometimes but he really is an inspiration for me. The last time he took so little insulin was when he was a poor bastard living on his own and couldn't afford his insulin.
Yesterday we wandered out of the house and to the cash and carry for more produce. It was late in the afternoon and I was just about out of everything. Blood sugar was 110 before we left and I thought awesome right where it needs to be! Half an hour later in the cash and carry my brain was starting to turn mushy. Mike was getting annoyed cause he said I was mumbling which I probably was. When we got out to the car I was down to 80. That my friends was a 30 point drop in my glucose level over 30 minutes. Shit, no wonder my brain was going to mush! Instead of carrying the 50+ lbs of produce up the stairs to the house we opted for a break. We went to the mall, bought some juice and caught a movie. It was so hard to be there smelling all the food and seeing people enjoy their crap and people carrying boxes of cinnamon rolls all warm and gooey... Oh it was hard but it strengthens my resolve. I don't buy into the idea that after a few days a whopper from BK will look gross to me although after 4ish months it did. I see posts on the fat sick and nearly dead FB page of all these people who have fasted for 5 or 6 days and they're like oh I don't even crave that stuff anymore! I my friends call absolute bullshit on that. If that's what you need to say out loud so that people don't ask you why you're putting yourself through this then go right ahead. But make sure you're being honest to yourself behind closed doors otherwise this is all for not.
Why am I doing this to myself? For a number of reasons. Weight loss is not the #1 reason and I am being 100% honest when I say that. Sure weight loss would be awesome, I would love to be able to shop in the non-plus size departments but hey I'm not putting down anyone that does. What it boils down to is my quality of life.
It's pretty evident that Mike's mom and I don't always see eye to eye. I think I've shouted that from the roof tops on a few occasions with some maybe not so nice things to say. But maybe part of my issue is that I see so much of her in me and it scares the shit out of me. She will soon be undergoing hip replacement surgery, we thought that was the problem she was having causing her so much pain. Turns out it's only a small piece of the puzzle. This woman at 54 is having her hip replaced and has destroyed back discs and will probably be in immeasurable amounts of pain for the rest of her life. I at 28 have arthritis in my lower vertebrae, at least 1 compressed disc and my own bevy of health issues ranging from physical to mental. Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means going all whoa is me.
I do worry though, that one day I could end up in worse condition than my mother in law and that scares me. I don't want to be a sickly damaged person. I hope that this fast is the beginning of a number of sustained changes that will help me lead a better, healthier life. We make our own future and I know that I can make lemon juice out of the lemons I've been handed. Then I will mix them with some tomatoes and cucumber, some celery a little onion and a dash of vodka to make the best bloody mary of your life. So there you have it, day 11 and not giving up.
A few pieces of cucumber, a few pieces of bread, a couple crackers. It wasn't as gory and grease filled as it could have. There were no cheeseburgers, no fries and no potato chips while locked in the car crying in shame. I came home and like I always do, I confessed my sins to the mister. My stomach however was giving me no reprieve. There were not enough hail mary's that I could have said to have received penance for my actions. My stomach was howling! Oh it hurt and it grumbled and other stuff. So that's how that went. I absolutely cannot ever again do that. Never, ever, ever again! You cannot break a fast by just chomping down on something! So now I know. Now I also know that I should probably schedule a day of vacation for the end of my fast cause Mike and I will be fighting over the toilet if we fuck it up!
I was watching a show "white collar" and there's a scene with some woman waiting for her husband who's not coming home for dinner and she calls their golden retriever over and she lets it at his dinner. Oh good lord if I could have been that dog for that scene!
So where are we anyway? I kinda lost track... I want to say today is the 11th. Yeah that sounds right. The days start to blur together the only thing that differentiates one from the next is how hungry I am. We're gonna try and make more vegetable dense juices. I've had to lower my insulin intake to approximately 75% on an hourly basis. If we're consuming less fruit we're gonna have to slash the insulin again. Mike is already taking like less than half of what he was taking pre-juicing. You should know that his reduced level is just a smidge over what he was taking during the last fast. He has reduced his insulin in take by more than half since we started juicing last summer. That my friends is astounding! He's a dumb man sometimes but he really is an inspiration for me. The last time he took so little insulin was when he was a poor bastard living on his own and couldn't afford his insulin.
Yesterday we wandered out of the house and to the cash and carry for more produce. It was late in the afternoon and I was just about out of everything. Blood sugar was 110 before we left and I thought awesome right where it needs to be! Half an hour later in the cash and carry my brain was starting to turn mushy. Mike was getting annoyed cause he said I was mumbling which I probably was. When we got out to the car I was down to 80. That my friends was a 30 point drop in my glucose level over 30 minutes. Shit, no wonder my brain was going to mush! Instead of carrying the 50+ lbs of produce up the stairs to the house we opted for a break. We went to the mall, bought some juice and caught a movie. It was so hard to be there smelling all the food and seeing people enjoy their crap and people carrying boxes of cinnamon rolls all warm and gooey... Oh it was hard but it strengthens my resolve. I don't buy into the idea that after a few days a whopper from BK will look gross to me although after 4ish months it did. I see posts on the fat sick and nearly dead FB page of all these people who have fasted for 5 or 6 days and they're like oh I don't even crave that stuff anymore! I my friends call absolute bullshit on that. If that's what you need to say out loud so that people don't ask you why you're putting yourself through this then go right ahead. But make sure you're being honest to yourself behind closed doors otherwise this is all for not.
Why am I doing this to myself? For a number of reasons. Weight loss is not the #1 reason and I am being 100% honest when I say that. Sure weight loss would be awesome, I would love to be able to shop in the non-plus size departments but hey I'm not putting down anyone that does. What it boils down to is my quality of life.
It's pretty evident that Mike's mom and I don't always see eye to eye. I think I've shouted that from the roof tops on a few occasions with some maybe not so nice things to say. But maybe part of my issue is that I see so much of her in me and it scares the shit out of me. She will soon be undergoing hip replacement surgery, we thought that was the problem she was having causing her so much pain. Turns out it's only a small piece of the puzzle. This woman at 54 is having her hip replaced and has destroyed back discs and will probably be in immeasurable amounts of pain for the rest of her life. I at 28 have arthritis in my lower vertebrae, at least 1 compressed disc and my own bevy of health issues ranging from physical to mental. Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means going all whoa is me.
I do worry though, that one day I could end up in worse condition than my mother in law and that scares me. I don't want to be a sickly damaged person. I hope that this fast is the beginning of a number of sustained changes that will help me lead a better, healthier life. We make our own future and I know that I can make lemon juice out of the lemons I've been handed. Then I will mix them with some tomatoes and cucumber, some celery a little onion and a dash of vodka to make the best bloody mary of your life. So there you have it, day 11 and not giving up.
Tuesday
What do you know?
Today marks 7 days of juicing. That for those of you counting is 7 days down and 113 to go. It is still as insane as day 1 but what can I say; we are fun and crazy kids! Or something like that. So what have the last 7 days taught me?
1. I can't be trusted. Nope not on your life. If you put a cake in front of me and left me to watch it, chances are it would be gone. Sorry, I hope you weren't saving that cake for anyone special cause I simply cannot explain where it has gone! Last night as soon as Mike walked out the door I made a beeline for the pantry. I went after a bag of pistachios and I went to town on those little bastards. My stomach wasted no time in sharing its disdain with me. It was still slightly unhappy when I woke up today. Mike on the other hand... that poor bastard found himself in the kitchen chewing bread and spitting it out before he had a chance to swallow. Seriously Jones? Not only that but he rinsed his mouth out to make sure he didn't ingest any of it. That reeks of crazy in my book. See we really are a match made in heaven.
2. I hate yoga. I know I've pissed and moaned all over facebook about the yoga debacle but holy shit that was an utter fail. I might give it another shot or something some time but really for the time being I just want to say fuck you yoga.
3. I love food, I love food, I loooove food.
I think I'm beyond the shenanigans. I hope that the next 7 days will be easier. I fully believe that my rubber gloves are magical and they have made this round of juicing easier. They seriously have magical powers of keeping me sane.
I don't know how many of you know this but I have an unhealthy aversion to having wet hands. It is hardcore, like I can't take long showers cause my hands prune up and it bugs the fuck out of me bad. So as you can imagine juicing means constant wet hands. Whether you're cleaning the bottles or cleaning a juicer, it was a constant battle of wet shit touching me. I got wiser this time around! Rubber gloves have saved my life. They're like magical, wonderful, love my life and juicer and magical gloves.
My pancreas is loving the shit out of this fast. The blood sugars have been under 100 every time I've checked. I got wiser this time around and have learned to adjust my insulin intake over night to avoid sudden lows and the fallout which would find me face deep in a carton of ice cream at 2 in the morning. Yep, that last reboot was kind of a fail. I'm curious how things will look at the end of this hair brained 4 months.
1. I can't be trusted. Nope not on your life. If you put a cake in front of me and left me to watch it, chances are it would be gone. Sorry, I hope you weren't saving that cake for anyone special cause I simply cannot explain where it has gone! Last night as soon as Mike walked out the door I made a beeline for the pantry. I went after a bag of pistachios and I went to town on those little bastards. My stomach wasted no time in sharing its disdain with me. It was still slightly unhappy when I woke up today. Mike on the other hand... that poor bastard found himself in the kitchen chewing bread and spitting it out before he had a chance to swallow. Seriously Jones? Not only that but he rinsed his mouth out to make sure he didn't ingest any of it. That reeks of crazy in my book. See we really are a match made in heaven.
2. I hate yoga. I know I've pissed and moaned all over facebook about the yoga debacle but holy shit that was an utter fail. I might give it another shot or something some time but really for the time being I just want to say fuck you yoga.
3. I love food, I love food, I loooove food.
I think I'm beyond the shenanigans. I hope that the next 7 days will be easier. I fully believe that my rubber gloves are magical and they have made this round of juicing easier. They seriously have magical powers of keeping me sane.
I don't know how many of you know this but I have an unhealthy aversion to having wet hands. It is hardcore, like I can't take long showers cause my hands prune up and it bugs the fuck out of me bad. So as you can imagine juicing means constant wet hands. Whether you're cleaning the bottles or cleaning a juicer, it was a constant battle of wet shit touching me. I got wiser this time around! Rubber gloves have saved my life. They're like magical, wonderful, love my life and juicer and magical gloves.
My pancreas is loving the shit out of this fast. The blood sugars have been under 100 every time I've checked. I got wiser this time around and have learned to adjust my insulin intake over night to avoid sudden lows and the fallout which would find me face deep in a carton of ice cream at 2 in the morning. Yep, that last reboot was kind of a fail. I'm curious how things will look at the end of this hair brained 4 months.
Sunday
Sunday- 5
While fasting folks tend to have trouble with body temperature regulation. In other words: Your ass will be cold as shit! Also it's winter in the northern half of the hemisphere which makes keeping warm even more difficult. A good way to combat this issue is TO WEAR CLOTHING. Someone, namely my husband, has missed this memo. He struggles with this concept. He spends a good chunk of the day or evening on the same spot on the couch with only his underwear on and with a space heater blasting at him. I on the other hand spend the same time sweating in my pj's. Bastard, put on some effing clothes!
There now, that rant out of the way... It's Sunday, I'm almost ready to be back to my weekdays where I have a pattern, a schedule mostly and it is easier not to focus so much on food or the lack there of. As of today 5lbs down for me and 9 for him. Fucker. Though it is painfully obvious that men ALWAYS lose weight more quickly than women it will never stop bothering me. Whatever. Suck it Mike Jones! Even if you lose weight quicker, I'll always be the cuter of the two! We keep talking of a bike ride but honestly, I don't want to. I'm lazy that may never change. Also exercise tends to make me hungry and hungry means juice not a cheeseburger (insert sad face).
There now, that rant out of the way... It's Sunday, I'm almost ready to be back to my weekdays where I have a pattern, a schedule mostly and it is easier not to focus so much on food or the lack there of. As of today 5lbs down for me and 9 for him. Fucker. Though it is painfully obvious that men ALWAYS lose weight more quickly than women it will never stop bothering me. Whatever. Suck it Mike Jones! Even if you lose weight quicker, I'll always be the cuter of the two! We keep talking of a bike ride but honestly, I don't want to. I'm lazy that may never change. Also exercise tends to make me hungry and hungry means juice not a cheeseburger (insert sad face).
Friday
Day 2 recap
Yesterday was just bizarre. It was one of those days that makes you wonder if you're hallucinating from the lack of food (thanks Susan!) or if people are just going to think you're making stuff up. It's always a nice way to start the day when your vehicle is still where you parked it and no one has broken into it. I got to work where I tried my best to be an active listener during a meeting but that wasn't working out so well for me. There was even an audible "huh?" at an unfortunate moment. Survived the meeting and was greeted by a swampland of work to dig through. At one point in the morning I had a visitor at my window. A lovely gentleman in need of some change. So I sent him to the folks next door and went about my business. That's where things got really funky. He came back and handed me a slip of paper, the one's we ask customers to write their info on if they are there to make a payment without their bills. So he hands this to me and asks me to examine it and verify that all the information is in order. It was blank. I asked him what exactly he needed help with and he started mumbling, I couldn't quite make sure what he wanted. He started talking about getting tickets and pulling out the cards in his billfold which were only his medicaid cards. When he mentioned getting change so he could take his mom to the rodeo in Colorado I knew I was in trouble. He told me about a lovely horse that belongs to his dad and that it was at this rodeo but that none of our staff would let him in. I asked him if there was anyone who we could call to help get him there and with some coaxing I got his "mothers" phone number from him. I dialed hoping and praying that whoever answered the phone had some idea who this man was cause he sure didn't! I got lucky, it was his wife. She said he suffers from dementia and he was supposed to be walking around the neighborhood and this is the first time he has ever wandered away. Well what a lucky day for me to be at work! I got him to sit down and wait, in my infinite wisdom I decided it was best to get someone of authority to help and sit with him until she arrived, there was no way for me to do my work and keep an eye on him. By the time I came back with someone he was already outside. Sheesh, making a run for it already? I wasn't gone 5 minutes man! So we got him back inside and eventually his wife arrived to collect him. Crisis averted!
Lunch time brought me to the DMV where I was lucky enough to fork over $77 for a replacement vehicle title. We explained to the woman what happened and her response was "You kept your title in the car?!". After all was said and done Mike mentioned he doesn't know if he actually put it in the car. Doh! Well I would rather have paid the extra cash for some peace of mind. Although it was explained to us that there is a possibility that someone could attempt a title transfer with the original and if they did it before we requested the replacement we are sort of SOL and it would be a civil case if someone tried to take the vehicle. Seriously, the DMV has no way of legally protecting your property so beware, don't keep your car title in the car!
I was headed back into the office when I noticed some odd happenings, 1. there was a crazy woman in front of me driving like she had suffered from a stroke. 2. there was a bus driver at the train tracks out of his bus and in the middle of the street waiving someone down. 3. there was like 3 fire trucks on the other side of the train, I could only make out the lights between the train cars. Later that afternoon I found out someone was struck and killed by the train. So sad! Mike says they had to have been suicidal because that train doesn't move very quickly at all and it was broad daylight so how did they not see it? I dunno it was just odd and very very sad.
I made it home in time for a lovely migraine to erupt in my skull. Thank you Thursday for your awesome ending. Today has started well. Thanks to my wonderful husband for making juice while I slept off this horrible pain! I woke up at 6 to make juice and to my surprise it was ready for my day, I love that donkey! Also I stepped on the scale to find 4lbs missing off my chunky ass woot! Today will be good! Day 3, 117 to go :-)
Lunch time brought me to the DMV where I was lucky enough to fork over $77 for a replacement vehicle title. We explained to the woman what happened and her response was "You kept your title in the car?!". After all was said and done Mike mentioned he doesn't know if he actually put it in the car. Doh! Well I would rather have paid the extra cash for some peace of mind. Although it was explained to us that there is a possibility that someone could attempt a title transfer with the original and if they did it before we requested the replacement we are sort of SOL and it would be a civil case if someone tried to take the vehicle. Seriously, the DMV has no way of legally protecting your property so beware, don't keep your car title in the car!
I was headed back into the office when I noticed some odd happenings, 1. there was a crazy woman in front of me driving like she had suffered from a stroke. 2. there was a bus driver at the train tracks out of his bus and in the middle of the street waiving someone down. 3. there was like 3 fire trucks on the other side of the train, I could only make out the lights between the train cars. Later that afternoon I found out someone was struck and killed by the train. So sad! Mike says they had to have been suicidal because that train doesn't move very quickly at all and it was broad daylight so how did they not see it? I dunno it was just odd and very very sad.
I made it home in time for a lovely migraine to erupt in my skull. Thank you Thursday for your awesome ending. Today has started well. Thanks to my wonderful husband for making juice while I slept off this horrible pain! I woke up at 6 to make juice and to my surprise it was ready for my day, I love that donkey! Also I stepped on the scale to find 4lbs missing off my chunky ass woot! Today will be good! Day 3, 117 to go :-)
Wednesday
One day down
Another 119 to go! I am incredibly surprised that I survived today. The stress eater that I am and all... I woke up with all these confident idea's that today was gonna be awesome. Instead as I got off to work the first thing I found was that my car had been broken into. We are pretty certain the car title was in the glove box, and I do say "was" because it no longer is! Also Mike's Zune. Soooo annoying but frankly it could have been worse, at least there wasn't a broken window. Off to work we went where the sky was falling. Everywhere I looked something was going terribly wrong. I guess it was a good distraction from the lack of food. So here I am end of day one, slowly enjoying a fresh salsa drink... I'm worried Mike is ready to quit. He doesn't feel so good, poor dude. I offered tea and I offered broth and he turned them down. Maybe if he turned the damn heater off he wouldn't feel as sick, ok that is unlikely but I'm hot as hell. Anyway that is all. Not very interesting today too bad so sad!
Tuesday
Round 2... FIGHT!
Ok so I spent the weekend with nerds and I was thinking of street fighter when I started typing. Anyway that aside... Tomorrow we begin 4 months of juice fasting. Yes you read that right, the Jones' are gonna stop eating solid food for 4 months. All solid food including raw veggies. Last time around we did a modified juice fast and it worked for us. For Mike it meant a 45lb weight loss, going off 2 medications and the drive necessary to ride his bike for 20-30 miles DAILY! Oh I got crap on the days that man didn't get his ride in. Once he made me ride around the neighborhood in the dark just blocks from our home because he wanted to reach 30 for the night. Freak...
For me it meant 25lbs gone and enough self awareness to know that it was a hell of a challenge. Sure there were the times when I fell flat on my face. Oh like the week I started. I found myself locked in my car with a small bag of potato chips and 2 organic juices. It was like a hostage stand off, only no one was there to persuade me to let the bag of chips go. Or the time in the pantry/laundry room when I went to town by the hand full on a bag of salt and vinegar chips. I was shame eating in the closet! What's worse is that before that moment I could have never brought myself to eat salt and vinegar chips. How quickly things changed that day...
So tomorrow we embark on this longer, stranger, and definitely harder journey. I don't see this as any sort of resolution by any means. This has been planned for some time with the specific knowledge that I can not contain myself around a turkey or a ham or anything that screams holidays or potluck. Accepting I have a problem is the first step. So now that the holidays are gone and hopefully potlucks are too, I can focus on detoxing my body. My pancreas has been howling something fierce the last few weeks. I attributed the sudden spike in blood sugars to stress but I've also been eating as if the end is near and my pancreas is just not able to keep up so I am welcoming this fast with open arms.
Later tonight Mike and I will be taking the "before" pictures and some measurements and tomorrow we wake up and have juice. This afternoon we arrived from Seattle bitter and annoyed, feeling like crap really. On the drive home Mike said "I'm tired of being fat" and I said yup me too want to go on a 4 month juice fast and leave food behind for an entire 4 months and then slowly add real food back into our diets but only veggies and very lean meats like fish and chicken for like ever? And he said Yes! Can you believe that folks?! Ok so of course he said yes but wasn't it more exciting to see it acted out in such a dramatic fashion? So when we got home first I snuggled with my bed because I missed it so much, then I got up and started tossing everything in the fridge into a garbage can. If it was salvageable I have it packed away and ready to cart over to Suzanne's cause her kids will eat just about anything! Gotta love teenagers! So blah blah blah, I cleaned the hell out of the fridge and then we went shopping and came home with about 3-5 days worth of goods.
Which lead me to the realization that I need to re-asses my greens situation. I can't find kale, it is possibly out of season however, I hear that cash and carry has a huge amount of spinach for very very cheap which I could really get behind! What seems to never go out of fashion are mustard greens. Seriously, can someone explain to me the use of a mustard green besides making mustard gas? Cause that's what happened the time I confused kale for mustard greens and Mike attempted to make a batch of Mean Green. That shit was MEAN. Derp derp derp... A trip to the Market of Choice is in order. Ordinarily I'm not such a fanatic of organic this that or the other but Market of Choice does have organic Kale almost every time I stop by so we should give them a shot. In the meantime we also have collard greens and there are dandelion greens at MoC so maybe I should give them a second try.
So with that I bid you all a due and ask that if you remember the Jones', that you say a little prayer for us cause one or both of us may end up dead before the week is over. *dramatic musical ending*
For me it meant 25lbs gone and enough self awareness to know that it was a hell of a challenge. Sure there were the times when I fell flat on my face. Oh like the week I started. I found myself locked in my car with a small bag of potato chips and 2 organic juices. It was like a hostage stand off, only no one was there to persuade me to let the bag of chips go. Or the time in the pantry/laundry room when I went to town by the hand full on a bag of salt and vinegar chips. I was shame eating in the closet! What's worse is that before that moment I could have never brought myself to eat salt and vinegar chips. How quickly things changed that day...
So tomorrow we embark on this longer, stranger, and definitely harder journey. I don't see this as any sort of resolution by any means. This has been planned for some time with the specific knowledge that I can not contain myself around a turkey or a ham or anything that screams holidays or potluck. Accepting I have a problem is the first step. So now that the holidays are gone and hopefully potlucks are too, I can focus on detoxing my body. My pancreas has been howling something fierce the last few weeks. I attributed the sudden spike in blood sugars to stress but I've also been eating as if the end is near and my pancreas is just not able to keep up so I am welcoming this fast with open arms.
Later tonight Mike and I will be taking the "before" pictures and some measurements and tomorrow we wake up and have juice. This afternoon we arrived from Seattle bitter and annoyed, feeling like crap really. On the drive home Mike said "I'm tired of being fat" and I said yup me too want to go on a 4 month juice fast and leave food behind for an entire 4 months and then slowly add real food back into our diets but only veggies and very lean meats like fish and chicken for like ever? And he said Yes! Can you believe that folks?! Ok so of course he said yes but wasn't it more exciting to see it acted out in such a dramatic fashion? So when we got home first I snuggled with my bed because I missed it so much, then I got up and started tossing everything in the fridge into a garbage can. If it was salvageable I have it packed away and ready to cart over to Suzanne's cause her kids will eat just about anything! Gotta love teenagers! So blah blah blah, I cleaned the hell out of the fridge and then we went shopping and came home with about 3-5 days worth of goods.
Which lead me to the realization that I need to re-asses my greens situation. I can't find kale, it is possibly out of season however, I hear that cash and carry has a huge amount of spinach for very very cheap which I could really get behind! What seems to never go out of fashion are mustard greens. Seriously, can someone explain to me the use of a mustard green besides making mustard gas? Cause that's what happened the time I confused kale for mustard greens and Mike attempted to make a batch of Mean Green. That shit was MEAN. Derp derp derp... A trip to the Market of Choice is in order. Ordinarily I'm not such a fanatic of organic this that or the other but Market of Choice does have organic Kale almost every time I stop by so we should give them a shot. In the meantime we also have collard greens and there are dandelion greens at MoC so maybe I should give them a second try.
So with that I bid you all a due and ask that if you remember the Jones', that you say a little prayer for us cause one or both of us may end up dead before the week is over. *dramatic musical ending*
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