The good, the bad and the crazy ugly!

Well folks today is day 24. My back is feeling significantly better thank you Dr. Evans! Nothing like pulling you pelvis out of place to put a kink in your week! How is the juicing going you ask? Well thank you for asking and it is going pretty darn tooting well. I was previously worried about Seattle, but you know what? Screw it! I'm going to have fun, I'm going to drink juice and I'm not going to eat anything that Henry cooks and I am A-Ok with that! And if I were to fall off the wagon I'm not going to punish myself. One juice at a time folks, one juice at a time!
So the bad and the crazy ugly...

Nothing terrible really. Just frustrated with myself. I have become a very self aware person and I get so mad at myself when I do shit I know I shouldn't do or don't do shit I know I should. So what has it been like 4 months since I was officially labeled certifiable nutty? I was doing awesome, the pills make the world okay, everything is pretty even. Nothing superbly awesome except spending time with my family and nothing superbly awful except the fight with my sister while I was down there. Just steady life going at a smooth pace. So what do I do? I stopped taking my meds. I always do this and I'm sure most crazies (sorry if the term offends you) out there agree that they too have done this before. We're doing well everything is fine nothing major no deep lingering depression, life isn't horrible, life is liveable and so we stop taking our meds. Because why? Because we're better! Isn't that what you do when you're better from something that is ailing you? You have a cough, you take cough medicine til it's gone. You have a headache you take aspirin and it goes away so you stop. So that's what I did. I felt better, I didn't feel like a homicidal maniac, I didn't feel like a depressed shlub, I wasn't manic at all so I would skip a dose here skip a dose there. Until I realized that more days than not I wasn't taking my meds. And for a while it's been ok. Then I hurt my back and I was glad for the excuse that kept me from having to go biking cause honestly it felt like a terrible chore. And then I decided maybe if I changed my bike seat I'll like it better, so I did, and I didn't. It started with this awful feeling like I was just going to have a tantrum. I was uncomfortable, it was hard to ride and I was also feeling a little panicky. So I bowed out and rode home. Yesterday Mike and I had planned to go to the gym. We ride, we work out, we go home. And as a matter of fact last time we did that I had a similar reaction. Streets were a mess because of Eugene Celebration. I was tired and hungry and seconds from having a tantrum. Mike suggested we get soup at Cornucopia and that put me at ease. How awful of me! Yesterday was the worst. I behaved like a spoiled, bratty, obnoxious brat and had I been a child I would have surely deserved a good spanking. Mike graciously changed the seat on my bike and decided to give me a different one. It is one of those seats that has just the butt pads, it's supposed to be good to keep pressure off the groin.



So I try it out and it felt a little weird but I thought I'd get used to it and we took off on our ride. It just didn't feel right. I was having a hard time pedaling and getting really frustrated. By the time we made it near REI I was near a full on melt down. We stopped Mike bought a tool to raise my seat and we kept going. It felt a little better but I just couldn't figure out how to sit on this damn seat! We made it to the gym, did our back breaking work out and tried to pedal home for dinner. I was so tired and so uncomfortable and so goddamn demented that I just had had enough! I got off the bike in the middle of the bike path and started walking the bike all the while cursing the damn thing. Mike tried to get me to swap bikes with him but I was beyond listening to reason. I just wanted to destroy the bike. I wanted to take a mallet to it and some explosives and run it over a few times and then finally only after being thoroughly satisfied with my destructiveness would I push its remains into the river. See, I told you I was beyond reason. Mike refused to leave and ride ahead of me which was really just aggravating me more. I wanted to be left alone and while I understand his obvious concern, me alone in a dark park where we have at times heard loud arguments between transients, I didn't care. There have been times when we're riding and he is blocks ahead of me with Joel so why was that night so special? I got back on my bike and pedaled as angrily as I could. Once over the bridge I kept trying to pedal but I was tired, my butt hurt, I wasn't getting anywhere and my blood was boiling. I kept stopping and walking my bike and begging Mike to ride ahead just to get himself home. He wouldn't budge. About a mile and a half from home I stopped  got off my bike and started to walk again. That was it that's where I was done and there was Mike hovering around and I just lost it. I threw my bike against the pavement as hard as I could and started yelling for him to just go home. He might have asked what the eff was my problem but he got on his bike and rode off ahead of me. I realized I had his keys which just upset me more so I got on and made my way home as quickly as I could. I pushed my bike up the stairs and went inside throwing myself into my bed and broke down. A big mess of sobs and snot. It feels pretty awful to be so angry especially when it is no ones fault and under normal circumstances I would have just riden home and complained about the damn thing. I fell asleep and woke up to Mike saying there was food behind me and not to roll over on it. He had gone out of his way to get me a fresh salad with ranch dressing no less! It's a no no but I know he wanted to make me feel better and he heated up some soup that he carefully prettied up with a few sprigs of basil. I felt like such a low piece of crap. I ate my food quietly and walked out to say I was sorry and thank you. But it turned into an enourmous mess of snot and tears. That man deserves to be named a saint. He is the only person who has seen me at my absolute worst and still held me and kissed my forehead instead of walking out like any normal person should have.
Mental illness is awful. Awful for those who deal with it and sometimes worse for those to are tasked with the job caring for that person. It is such a struggle to keep any sort of balance, to stay calm and be understanding. I'm sure Mike has wanted to lock me in a room until I come to my senses. I'm sure he's wanted to walk out and just be done with it. I couldn't blame him one bit. Somedays I want to run away from me. Those are the days when I realize it's been a while since I had my meds. Those are the days when I want to kick my own ass because I know better. I know my body and the warning signs and I just ignore them because I'm too lazy to walk in the kitchen and pour a glass of anything to take my pills with. Depression sucks, being manic is worse if you ask me. I'd be more pleasant if I just moped around. I lash out angrily against the people I love more often than towards those I could give a damn less about.
So to all of you out there who are reading this I'm sorry! I love you dearly and if I've been mean to you, it's only cause I love you! (and I'm crazy) Oh and Mike Jones, don't try to run cause I'll find you and then cut you.

So what's new?

Here's a good one; did you hear about the Jones' who have lost nearly 40lbs combined? Ha bet you didn't ever think you'd hear that! Mike has lost a total of 22lbs and I am currently 16.2lbs lighter! I had to put in that .2 just for myself so suck it. Today is also the first day of our 4th week!! I didn't think I would ever be typing that. Hell I wasn't sure I'd make it past the 15 day mark. You know the one where we agreed to assess our progress and decide if we wanted to continue or not? Yeah I really wanted to say how's about we have a nice steak dinner, maybe even make it a salad with a nice piece of grilled steak on top then go back to what we were doing? Of course that isn't even an option at this point even if we had chosen to stop. We have to ease back into real food to avoid stomach trouble. We decided to try really hard and buckle down and stop with the occasional salad eating. We might get better results if we stopped that, so maybe next time I want raw veggies again I'll just toss them down the chute of the juicer instead of placing them on a dish.
Overall I'm feeling good, my back has been acting up but with the help of my handy chiropractor I know all will be well again. I think we're just sort of cruising along on this strange journey of ours. This weekend will be a serious test. We're traveling up to Seattle, will be there approximately 4 days. The juicer will definitely be making the journey with us. I'm excited to hit the Pikes Place Market first thing in the morning. I may have to make a special super early trip down and try to avoid as many of the tourists as possible. There is also a juice shop there and makes fresh juices so maybe I will have breakfast while I shop. Oh the possibilities!! Oh the temptation... It's all give and take in this world that's for sure. I am sticking to my resolve. I hope that if I am able to keep the pace of weight loss I could be under the 200 mark by the end of this leg of the journey. I am not delusional enough to imagine that this will all stay off. I'm expecting at least 5lbs to come back simply because at this point we are taking in roughly 1200 calories a day, maybe more on the days that we swap soup for juice. Still I have come to realize that this is a new lifestyle for me not a diet. My goal when we sit down the night of day 60 is to look in my fridge and still see it stocked with vegetables and fruits. Wake up the morning of day 61 and pack juice for breakfasts and lunch and make something out of veggies for dinner. I really think I have become accustomed to the idea of eating a primarily vegetarian diet. How bizarre is that? Coming from a person who once told her husband that soup is not a meal simply a course preceding dinner, who also pouted when presented with the idea of navy bean soup because there wouldn't be a slab of steak to eat after it. Meat was just part of what made me (fat) it was ingrained in me that dinner meant some sort of meat except when I was a small child who would protest soup by dumping the entire bowl over my head and placing the bowl on top as a show of protest. Instead today I find myself perusing vegan websites and looking at things that I could make with the veggies in my fridge! It is interesting what life can do to you isn't it.
Mike presented me with a cockamamie idea last week to participate in an insane bike ride. We're talking 200+ miles in 2 days. What? Are you out of your fricken gore? People don't go from being obese, walking time bombs to biking 200 miles over night! Ok maybe we're not doing it over night but still. I am sure I will be like Thomas the train going "I think I can, I think I can, Oh fuck this!!". I told him the only way I will do it is if one of our friends agrees to drive the route with a vehicle equipped with a bike rack. Because I am not sure I would survive all 100 miles on day one, or two for that matter. Either way I need to know there will be a fail proof plan in place that will allow me to crash and die in the comfort of a vehicle moving faster than my 5 miles an hour, which by the way is 1/2 of the speed that I will actually need to achieve for a good solid 10 hours. So what do you think, has mike lost his goddamn mind? Cause I kinda think he has.

Letting it all go

One pound of pee at a time! Or is it 16oz of pee at a time? Whatever. I need to pee something fierce but I'm too lazy to go. Mike wants to go to the gym tonight. It's cruel to make me ride my bike there only to do more strenuous stuff and then have to bike home. He freaked out a tiny bit earlier when he realized I took all the mean green juice. I have to say none of it tasted like mean green and the two bottles didn't taste the same. One had a weird fuzz taste like when you eat a pineapple that is going bad and it makes your tongue weird. The other one didn't do that. I guess it's mind over matter cause that shit tasted different even though it came from the same batch. Poor dude had the same kind of drink all day. Too bad he couldn't use his imagination and pretend it wasn't.
I've been feeling bloated today. I can hear gas rumbling about in my innards but I've been kind enough not to fart up a storm for my team. It's the least I could do as a thank you for today's cookie pot luck. Seriously, all week there has been food on that back counter. You would think these people have never seen food before! How the hell am I so fat and the rest of them aren't? Whatever. Tomorrow is one of our peoples last day before she saunters off into the sunset of retirement. I might have mentioned this but the company is buying pizza for all of customer service. I hate them. I don't really but I do. I can say without fear of being struck by lightning for being a big fat liar that I did NOT eat a single cookie. Yeah I looked at them, I even inhaled the sweet smells but I prevailed. One of the gals told me I was shrinking before her eyes. I could have kissed her! And darling Carol told me to stop my bitching cause I am looking fantastic. Well okay then! I'm still gonna bitch about bike riding so don't tell her. All in all not a bad day #18. Except for letting Mike make my juice everything is rolling by smoothly. Since I turned my insulin down to 75% I haven't been hitting lows. I started boulusing for my carb intake and didn't go too high or too low so we are right on track for success!

Day 16

Feeling extremely tired today. I had to take a nap for lunch otherwise I might not survive. I guess it was all just downhill from the moment I work up at 2 am. Blood sugar plummeted into the pits of hell and I had to drag myself up and check before I tried to correct. 51. Holy smokes, I don't think I've ever hit that low! Mike has gone as low as like 32 and I don't know how he's survived. There was no way I was going to pull out the juicer at 2 in the morning. I didn't have the strength I was shaking and barely able to stay upright. I went for my safety ice cream instead. I swear I have stayed away from it with the exception of the very early lows. If I start to go low during the day I throw some fruit in the blender as quickly as I can and go to town on that. So a few spoonfuls of ice cream and 2 gram crackers later I decided I needed to be in bed if I was going to collapse. I was livid that I had only 3 more hours of sleep before I had to be up and juicing. What a waste of perfectly good sleep!
I managed to make 1 giant juice and out of the kindness of my heart left Mike the larger portion. Why would I do that? Geez, I'm the one that is in the office all day long! So I had a total of 3 juice servings with me and and a cup of soup. Oh my delicious soup... I couldn't get it down. The flavor is incredible especially with a hint of lime juice but the coconut has a bit of a gritty feeling because my blender can only do so much. I, like many people I know have huge issues with textures of food and unfortunately my soup turned out to be one of those fails. Incredibly disappointing! I considered going out for soup but I just couldn't justify spending the extra money on soup when I have a bowl of delicious stuff in the fridge... if only I could choke it down...
Shortly here Mike and I are going blackberry picking. Our lovely friend Laura has offered to let us pick off her bushes which is awesome. Mike has been thinking of picking them for a few weeks now. He's wanted to send some off to his mom but last time we tried it, well it didn't work out so well. Let's just say she thought we sent her some bloodied severed parts. So lets try again maybe freeze and package this stuff correctly haha! I'm totally drained today and really I would rather do some picking and head straight to bed but always the slave driver (is it ok to call this ironic?) Mike is forcing me to ride my bike. I am dragging horribly and had no intention on riding today.
My tummy is really unhappy. It could be the lack of nutrition today. There are no chips or crackers or anything to snack on in the office, can you believe it?! Ok that's kind of a lie, there were donuts or bagels or something in the common area earlier. I chose not to leave my desk until lunch time by that point anything edible had been decimated. This week is going to be really difficult, it's retirement week for one of our lovely employees and we are celebrating her all week. Tomorrow is coffee/pastry day, Thursday is favorite cookie day and Friday the company is paying for pizza for all. Meanwhile I'll be locked in the nursing mothers room with a bottle of juice rocking back and forth trying not to inhale the odors of food. Next Friday will take the cake by far. In order to celebrate the first Ducks game the management has sanctioned an employee cook out. One of folks is bringing in his world famous BBQ pork. I'm salivating here people!

Quitting is not an option

We survived day 14 yesterday with few casualties. We went on the river for the first time this summer truly shameful summer it has been! As we were packing ourselves together I had 6 bottles of juice, 4 of water and ourselves. Mike insisted I take a glucometer in case blood sugars dropped too low. I was like oh hell to the no! I had already double zip lock bagged my insulin pump then duct tapped it to ensure no water would get it even though I had no plans of going in the water. Maybe about 20 minutes on the water and all was smooth sailing. Until we came across a group of college kids in the middle of the river. But they weren't moving! What the hell?! I paddled desperately to avoid them but there was no hope for me. I slammed right into them and my kayak went tumbling over me as I struggled to stand up in the river current. The little bastards managed to rescue my juice bottles and one of my water bottles but it wasn't until I was back moving on the water that I realized the goddamn glucometer and Mike's inhaler were in the bag that got away. I was so pissed! Lucky for us I had the foresight to take an old glucometer that we only used as back up in case one of us couldn't find theirs. Oh well it could have turned out worse... my pump could have gotten water in it! I would have murdered all of those little fuckers if something had happened to the pump. Are you kidding me?! $5k piece of equipment! As soon as we stopped I took it off and stuffed it in someones dry bag. I would rather go the next 4 hours without insulin than risk injury to my precious. Beyond that it was a slow, relaxing trip.
Once back on dry land we had to decide what to do about getting nutrition into ourselves. More juice? Soup? Perhaps a salad? We decided to go out for a salad and soup as a way to incorporate our bike ride. It sounded like a good idea, but I was DYING! I didn't think I could continue pedaling. I wanted to stop, I wanted to push my bicycle in the river and call a cab. I wanted to call 911 and tell them I was moments from death on the bike path! This isn't worth it Mike! That's what I kept saying to myself. If I could have found a way to funnel that whining energy into pedaling it would have been amazing but I was pissed and I was aching and I just wanted the end to come. Meanwhile Mike was blocks ahead of me without a care in the world. Meanwhile I'm here relaying my tales to you only through an act of God. I am aching from head to toe. I am completely sun burnt and sore.
It's amazing what your body will let you do when you let it. I could honestly not have expected to continue going after these 14 days. When we started our goal was 60 days with the contingency plan of re-evaluating every 15 days. Today is day 15 and we both weighed in. We have lost 13 and 16lbs respectively and feel great! Mike was showing off last night and crossing his legs. I know it sounds like what the hell why couldn't he cross his legs? But Mike is making some serious progress his back feels better, he can walk easier he can swim and bike and put his own damn socks on! I'm bursting with pride for him. So are we going to stop now that we reached 15 days? Hell no! Shut yo mouth fool!
The last few years my new years resolution has consistently been to be a better healthier me. To lose weight to take care of me and every year I go strong and lose steam sometimes back slide and demotivate myself. But do you know what I get from it? I haven't stopped. I haven't given up, I haven't quit. I've re-evaluated what I'm doing and I've tried a different approach. I started using my insulin pump nearly a year ago and have made insane strides in maintaining a better level of control. Sure I put on 20+ lbs since I started but I haven't had full control of that. I'm not making the excuse that it was all my meds. My meds didn't tell me to eat that 16oz rib eye, or drive me to McDonnald's for a Big Mac. I take full responsibility for my role in my terrible actions. But I have also been the first to tell myself that I can do it. To get my ass in that kitchen and make a glass of juice when my blood sugar has gotten low instead of heading straight for the freezer in search of a long forgotten pint of ice cream.
Mike asked me the other night why we have to be the ones that are so fat. All I could do was shrug. But I also had to remind him that while we are fat science has proved that we could very easily outlive some our smaller counter parts. There are many folks in our lives who are smaller framed but eat just as bad and if not worse than we did but probably felt ok doing it because, well they aren't as fat as the Jones'. I don't think I will ever be a small person, I will be smaller I can guarantee you that but I am okay not being a size 2 or 4 or 6. I will be okay if I only ever got down to a size 16. But you know what? While in those size 16's I'm going to be the healthiest I have ever been. I am going to live a happy bright life, I am going to have energy and love life. You can keep your size 8's and your clogged arteries thank you very much. I'm not giving up any time soon, I see how fantastic I feel and there may be a time when I slow down but I don't plan on quitting any time soon believe it.

Rocking and rolling along day 11

I thought today was going to suck. Like major, Dyson style suck. I woke up way way way late. Like 20 minutes to get dressed in anything not involving pj's, late. I looked in the fridge amongst the bags of fruits and veggies, past the cheeses sitting there taunting me... to where my juice sat. All 3 servings of juice. Then it hit me like a pile of rocks. GODDAMN IT! That's not enough juice!! I considered stealing the juice I had prepped for Mike (sorry hon, desprate times...) but reconsidered it when I realized I didn't have any more cucumbers in the house for him to make some mean green with. I was just tired and the world was looking bleek. I made juice before bed, before that I was standing in Market of Choice wondering what on earth I was out of. I prefer to do my shopping at the farm but because I work all week I can't get out there except weekends and Mondays. I managed to get enough veggies last weekend to last me until last night. So that was what like 5 days. I had been cautious in buying too much of some stuff over the weekend cause I knew I still had some, such as cucumbers. So before leaving the house I made mental notes of what is still there, tons of apples and tomatoes cucumbers... I got home and unloaded and started prepping juice for today. Then I hit my major snag. I only had 2 cucumbers left. Just enough to make mean green but not enough to make anything else that wasn't primarily fruit based. I had 2 choices: 1 go back to the damn grocery store or 2 suck it up and think of something else to juice. So I just started tossing stuff in the juicer. I made enough juice for 3 "meals" but I drink about 4 a day while at work. I figured I would get up early and make a super quick run to the grocery store and pick up some naked juice or some veggies and juice before I left whichever was quicker. Given that I woke up with 20 minutes before work I bet you know how that worked out! What is one to do when left without juice? One invites their husband to lunch. Soup to be exact! There is a little place in town called Soup Nation. If you haven't seen them before they are located on 5th and High and you should go there. They have 8 types of soup daily and they are amazing. I don't mind cheating on my juice diet with veggie soup! And that my friends is exactly what I did, thereby salvaging my day.
Last night I went blueberry picking. It was a lot of work but damn worth it. Thanks to my wonderful friend Jenny, who invited us along to her friends farm. They have close to 200 blueberry bushes, I might be lying but I swear that's what he said. Anywhoo, yes we went and picked and picked for like 2 hours. What was awesome was watching Mike do it. You know why? Cause he could! Thinking back I realize that if I take anything away from this 60 day experience is that we are giving ourselves the life we deserve. 11 days ago Mike was struggling to even sit at some points cause his back made him uncomfortable. Walking through Pike Place Market was slow going and made me feel terrible to see him wince in pain. But yesterday, he was picking like the best of any Mexican field workers!
God knows we have half assed just about everything in our lives except eating. But I feel so alive these days. It's been a struggle, I am not sugar coating it at all. But the last 10 days have given me a reason to keep doing it. Just showing myself that I can do it. I can finish an 11 mile bike ride, sure I will piss and moan, I'll be the last one trailing behind on the path, I'll ask if I can turn back at the 4 mile mark but then I keep going. I keep pedaling and 7 miles later I'm thinking that wasn't so bad! The same is true of the juicing. When I started I thought forget it. I can't do it. I want steak. I want fish. I want chicken. I want rice. I want I want I want. But I don't need! Mike is by far doing so much better than I am. I fell flat on my face on day 2, I tore open a bag of crackers on day 6 when my blood sugar got too low, I assaulted a container of ice cream that was left in the freezer on day 3 again when the low blood sugar hit, and on day 9 when the same happened. Are you noticing a trend there? My blood sugar is too low! What? That's not possible! Little miss beetus, who less than a year ago today had her blood sugar sitting in the high 200's, who went home for her sisters wedding a year ago and was running numbers so high that the glucometer couldn't read them. Yes that little miss beetus who was running out of insulin in less than 2 days, she is now going almost 3 days without changing out the pump. I have been monitoring my blood sugars really closely because I haven't been pumping extra insulin to cover my juice so I was worried I would start to spike but I am more than happy to report that I am hanging steady. Where I was once averaging 160-180 after meals, I am now under 130. Where I would once wake up and be sitting over 120, I am now waking up between 60 and 80. It is just so refreshing and encouraging. I thank my wonderful portable pancreas for doing most of the work but thank god for the veggies that I am taking in.
I continue to do this back and forth with myself. Scolding myself when I eat stuff though it is usually due to the low blood sugar so what am I to do? But I also remind myself that it is okay. I am adjusting my insulin levels and I am juicing more frequently and what the hell, so I messed up a little bit but you know what? I have another 49 days to go. I worry that the snacking will reflect on the scale but ultimately what I care about is the numbers that will come out of my blood work. I want to proudly say I am kicking the shit out of the beetus. That's right beetus you don't control me, ya heard?!

Day 8

For a moment I forgot what day we are on. Ooops! But yes day 8 is coming to a close, we had a pretty decent day. We came to a mutual agreement that eating solid food is ok so long as it is food we would juice otherwise and obviously not doing it all day long. It gets hard towards the end of the day. That is really when I struggle with it. My resolve is nearly non existent by about 8pm. My blood sugar hasn't been above 130 since we started and that is awesome cause my optimal range is 90-120 but holy shit it seems to have been a struggle today just keeping it above 80!

We went out to see a movie and had juice with us, the movie ended and I was famished so we ran to OrangeJulius for something. They had a dairy free fruit only thing so we both had that. I was sure my blood sugar would be through the roof after that. We went home, I did some dishes then we went for a bike ride. 11 miles later I walked in the door absolutely pooped. Blood sugar reading: 70. My first instinct was to reach for ice cream. Instead I took a glucose tablet. I knew that wasn't going to be enough to keep me from dying so I rummaged through the kitchen trying to decide what damage to make. I opted for a sliced tomato while my dinner heated up on the stove. We had soup by the way. So a sliced tomato it sounds weird but it sounded good to me at the time. Mike walked in the door after ridding to Subway with Joel and returned with a salad. Oh sweet fresh un-juiced veggies! I told Mike that I would marry him if I hadn't already. So we had a fresh salad with fat free italian dressing and Caribbean Yam soup. To die for!! So now I should be in bed but I am debating juicing something cause my blood sugar was exactly 90 about 5 minutes ago and if I go to sleep without something I might wake up with a low and then I can guarantee you I would assault the ice cream or anything else that crosses my path in that kitchen. So I guess that answers that, I'm gonna go make some juice. This has been day 8, see yall on the other side of 9!

Day 6 wrap up

So technically I'm starting day 7. But I wanted to check in. Day 6 went pretty well, got myself to the farmers market and came home with more pounds of fruit than anyone else there! I made some soup which yall might have seen on FB. Yeah it looks kind of gross but it wasn't. Also the shot I put on FB was pre-final mix. It just looked cool, once it was finished it was bright beet red. I made far too much of it but hey that just means I can have some for a few days.
I've come to a conclusion, if I NEED to eat something, I'm going to do it. I had a side salad today and a side of soup. I didn't feel one bit bad about it damn it! If I'm going to cheat at least I'm doing it with the same veggies I'd otherwise be juicing. It's not like the "plan" is against it. It's basically up to us how strict we want to be with it. Plus Mike and I seriously made up for it. After dinner we planned to watch a movie but Mike really wanted to take a bike ride. So we did. We rode 11 miles around the river and finished at the mall. We watched a movie and rode another 3 miles home.
It was fun! I'm tired, I know I'm gonna ache like crazy tomorrow err later today. I was sure I was facing certain death on that ride. I have an unnatural fear of walking around in dark places. So here we are riding on the trail and I'm like uh... Mike it's getting dark. How's about we head back? Mike was like no we can do it, it's not that dark! Plus you're with me!! Oh yeah real comforting dude. It freaks me out to know there can be folks just wondering around in the dark on those paths. I really don't want to be murdered or mugged. Lucky for him I didn't get murdered or mugged. I would have been really fricken pissed! So yeah, I would say I worked off a side salad and a bowl of soup.

Day 4

I didn't finish the last post before I published it but I published it on purpose. I'm hoping to be consistent with my posts as I am with the reboot. I guess I'm somewhat a day behind as I'm posting or a day ahead, well really a little of both. Day 3 went okay, I didn't have the will to pull myself off the couch most of the day. I went to the farm for a few more veggies and to Walmart for some prescriptions but besides that it was a constant struggle to get up and moving. The kitchen is a mess, the dishes were in despair and the laundry, well the laundry is gonna just sit there. It's all clean, although there is a strange odor being emitted from there kind of like wet moldy clothes. You know when you forget to put the clothes from the wash into the dryer, that kind of smell. But everything is clean so what's going on? I won't know for a while, until I run out of underwear or Mike runs out of socks. I bought Mike new socks when we went to Cali and I did some laundry sometime in the not too distant past so I will simply choose to ignore it all until I am damn well ready to deal with it.
I haven't been very hungry thank goodness but I do miss food. I don't want a burger or fries. I want a salad. A big fat juicy bowl of lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and a tart vinegar and olive oil topping and if Mike would permit it maybe 2 croutons. I would be lying if I didn't mention I also want to sink my teeth into a juicy medium rare (a tiny bit more on the rare than the medium) steak. Hot from the grill, seasoned to perfection the way Mike makes them. But alas, I have to move my thoughts onto other stuff cause I'm making myself hungry now.
I need a new scale, one that works would be nice. Although the scale continues to praise me, I know they're lies. I hate to go to the DAC for the sole purpose of weighing in but Mike has gotten into biking like every day and I fear if I ask him to go to the gym he might just die. He's been doing around 10 miles a day maybe a bit more but he's struggling to keep his blood sugars up. We have been slowly backing down his insulin intake and hopefully today will go better than the last 3 days. So the gym seems a bit excessive for him right now. I would love to just bike with him but for 1 he does it while I'm at work and for 2 I don't want to continue paying our dues if we're not going to use the damn thing. We need to use it though! Cardio is awesome but we have flab to bust too! So I'm thinking of calling those fine folks and maybe placing our membership on a freeze or something. And then I think, well how will I weigh in properly? Maybe it is time to invest more than $25 in a scale. I mean seriously; we're fat. It is rude to ask a cheap scale to be realistic with us when we aren't being realistic.
Moving right along, or maybe backtracking to yesterday. It took all of a full day but I managed to make us some juice, some smoothies and eventually some soup. The soup truly was the highlight of my day. I wasn't 100% sure how my endeavor would turn out but I figured it couldn't go very wrong. I purchased 2 yellow zucchini's, tomatoes, onion and I already have 25lbs of carrots in the fridge so I thought I'd toss some of those in too. I sauteed some carrots and onion and tossed in some garlic and a little water while the zucchini roasted in the oven. Then tossed the tomatoes in with the onion and carrots and let them all soften a bit. Once everything looked tender I tossed it in the blender and let it do its thing for a few minutes. The result was a smooth sweet and savory puree, a pinch of salt, dry basil and Cajun seasonings and we were in business! I had a second serving of soup for dinner and bolused too much insulin for it. I really have to start looking at that stuff! I figured squash would be really starchy and the tomatoes and what not but I used 3 large tomatoes and 2 good sized zucchini's. The tomatoes totaled about 70 carbs (they were some hunky tomatoes!) and the zucchini I've found out since dinner only accounts for 1.5 carbs per 1/2 cup. There was about 4 cups between the 2 zucchini's and it yielded about 80oz of soup. So even being conservative there wasn't more than 100 carbs in the entire pot of soup of which mike and I had half each between our two meals. I didn't bolus when I had my first serving cause I was so excited to eat that damn soup I just forgot. So when I had my second serving I bolused for approximately 80 carbs. Big oopsie right there. I was fine for a long while and then I realized it was getting late and I needed to prep juice for the following day. I was in the middle of fighting the juicer over a bunch of collard greens, feeling flushed and sweating like crazy. I decided to check where my blood sugar was sitting just for kicks, couldn't be that low after all the soup I had! It was reading 63! Oops! My pump was going nuts thinking I might die at any given moment. I will admit I panicked just a bit, I was only halfway through the first batch of mean green and I know that doesn't have enough starch to up my blood sugar and I had just given Mike the last of the soup which if you're following along doesn't have that many carbs anyway. So I'm standing in the kitchen with all these useless veggies and wondering what's in the pantry but feeling stupid guilty about putting anything else that is solid in my face but I had to do something! I opened the cupboard and to my extreme joyful surprise there was still pineapple juice in there from a month ago when Mike went nuts drinking rum and pineapple juice. So that saved the night along with some of Mike's soup which he was so kind to share. I ended the night making a big batch of mean green. Enough for 2 servings each, as well as 2 servings of tabbouleh juice and 1 serving of breakfast stuff. The breakfast stuff is grapefruit, apple and grapes. Last time I made it it was super  bitter but sans skin and the grapefruit is palatable. I didn't have a problem with it but I think it was a bit on the bitter side for the Mr.
Thus far today I haven't had the urge to jump face first into any pots of dip, although I hear yesterday there was artichoke and Parmesan dip in the back room which might have been enough for me to call this whole thing off. I don't feel starved and was even able to sit with some coworkers while they had lunch. Subway and meatloaf. What really had my attention were the cucumber slices one of the gals had. I would have gone to town on those! You know what worries me though, is the idea that I might get sick of the same juices day after day. I don't know how much you can change up the mean green to make it taste different. I don't want to hit a wall with this where I'm just staring up wondering why I can't just go around.

Day 3 and we're still here!

And still going! So yesterday was rough, the office is the devil. The gals put together a potluck for yesterday, why you might ask? Well because it was Tuesday, duh! Only thing worse than a potluck; a dip potluck. Holy shit it's like crack to a fat girl with a food addiction! I was doing ok for the first 4 hours. Granted I get into the office at 7 and by noon I was sure I would do okay cause I wasn't hungry. I had drank about 50 oz of liquid between my juice and water so it all came tumbling down when I had to pee. I had been in and out of my office all morning but when I went to pee I found myself blocked in by some dude on a ladder. What that meant was that I had to go around to the other door which put me right in front of the buffet of stuff. I got half way back before a handful of ruffles manhandled their way into my mouth.

Day 1, Let the fun begin!

Oh what can one say about a day like today? It hasn't been exceptional, it hasn't been painful. It has been a regular run of the mill Monday. With the exception of the lack of food. Last night I made a batch of mean green. I love Mondays off cause I didn't entertain the idea of getting out of bed before 9. Mike was already working on his juice which was not the best batch I had made to date. Maybe a little too green. I used collard greens for this batch cause it was what I found at the grocery store last night. Can you imagine a grocery store that says they carry kale but only stuffs mustard greens in its place?! Poo on them! Today I picked up about 6 bunches of kale, a watermelon, a melon, a few pounds of celery, 12 cucumbers, some peaches, lemons, tomatoes, parsley, granny smith apples and some onions. All good stuff! I need to start juicing more and stuffing it in the fridge, but I don't have a lot of room what with the 25lbs of carrots I purchased yesterday. I'm a little nervous of how this will work once I'm in the office all day. Mike needs lots of variety, here I am thinking mean green and lots of it will keep me going. 
So far my blood sugars are keeping steady. By lunchtime I was sitting at 127 which is pretty good. My optimal range according to the pump and my Dr is between 90-120 so 127 is right up my alley. I just need to keep drinking water, water water water. 
I think the hardest part of today was shopping was all the crap in the isles. Technically I would have been okay if it wasn't for the few items I needed from other parts of the store. By the time I left I would have gladly stuffed my fat little fingers in a jar of bbq sauce and went to town licking them. Instead I got home and drank some juice that was waiting for me in the fridge. Right now I believe I will be off to juice some other stuff. This sounded good:


Hunger Pain Be Gone
4 medium carrots
2 stalks of celery, leaves and all
1 handful of parsley
4 leaves of baby spinach
1 dash of tobasco