threat level: orange

I'm really in a terrible mood for writing but I feel I need to write something to keep myself going. I promised myself daily entries so here I am.
I was pretty anxious all day today. I tried hard to suppress it and use mind over matter to make it go away. It was the first meeting of my book club and I was very annoyed by my procrastinating ways. We read "Reading Lolita in Tehran" and I guess I use the term read or we read somewhat loosely. I didn't finish the book. Luckily I wasn't alone! Oh I know why go to a book club if you're not gonna read the book? It was just difficult getting into it. The beginning was dryer than the deserts of the middle east where the book took place. I've been picking up momentum in the last week or so but I hadn't made a real dent in the book. Last night I went at it like a mad woman. I felt like I did in high school, waiting until the last day to read the 400 page book which was assigned at the beginning of the term. In those days I would skim through the book looking for points that stuck out enough to formulate the paper I was sure to have left until the 11th hour. How the hell did I get out of school with a diploma? I was kind of thinking about that last night as I tried desperately to understand what I was reading. I mean really I used to do this ALL the time. I remember having to write a hefty sized essay on a book of my choosing my senior year. I chose Catch 22. I picked it up from the library and set it somewhere in my room where it remained the rest of the semester until the day of the final. Seriously it was an open book final where we were to construct our essay on the book. I wish I could find that essay because I remember having received an A- on it. What the hell? I opened the book to random sections and read a paragraph or two then moved onto a different part of the book and repeated the same thing over and over meanwhile constructing some essay. Was I some literary genius? Or was my teacher just sick of seeing our faces in her class? I haven't the slimmest idea what Catch 22 was actually about. Shame on me seriously.
So I spent hours last night cramming over this book. I reached part 2 and was suddenly more lost than ever. I thought I had gotten a good idea of what had been going on but suddenly we were reading about someones arrival in Tehran 10 years earlier. I wasn't sure if I had missed something, if I was reading a series of short stories, if my kindle had taken a crap on itself and I missed an entire chapter. I was so frustrated and ready to say screw it I quit. I went to bed sometime after 1 and woke up around 8 and went back to reading. I was finding the book more interesting in that it discussed the revolution that took place in Iran during the 1980's and the similarities in what we have been watching take place in the middle east over the last few weeks but it really wasn't enough to make me not want to yank my hair out. By noon I had a renewed desire to quit. Mike and I went to lunch where I about lost my shit. That anxiety I was feeling was seriously coming to a head. Lunch sucked. We found ourselves at Ron's Island grill, where Mike was adamant I'd gone to before. His hard headed insistence of this "fact" was really pushing me over the edge. We had about an hour before I had to meet the girls and I just kept saying I don't want to go I don't want to go!! There are some days when I just don't want to leave the house. I know I'm not good company on those days and I don't want to be around anyone at all. Today was one of those. Mike encouraged me to go and so I did. It didn't turn out as bad as I thought but it became a hard learned lesson on why one must stay on their meds. Crazy people aren't fun to be around and unfortunately I can't run away from myself.

White-knuckled adventure!

ITS ON!!

Nor sleet nor ice, wind or rain... Isn't that the motto of the postal service? Well those folks are much better than me! If nobody has noticed we've been having some wacky weather the past few days. It was very annoying actually. Going from sunshine to snow, to rain to snow to sunshine to sunshine with bellow freezing temps. I had planned for at least the last month to take Mike to the seafood and wine festival and as the day got closer I started getting nervous. As any good Pacific Northwesterner knows you can't just drive straight to the coast. Oh its like a goddamn holiday song to get there. Over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we go! Only it's over the river through the woods and the fricken mountains! Ok so it was plenty cold on Friday when we anticipated leaving but it had been sunny all day and there hadn't been any snow on the roads as had been promised. So We put our brave faces on and headed west. Mind you I was starting to have second thoughts because I didn't realize this event was so big! I've heard of the seafood festival but for one until we started doing some research late last year we hadn't any idea that it took place in the dead of winter. Makes sense... but here I was thinking something in the summer, outdoors in the sunshine; kids with kites and all that mushy crap. Ok so reality is that it takes place in the dead of winter on the coast in a warehouse. Ok I can handle that. But it's also crazy busy and you should be there at least an hour before they let people in. Uh... what? It's like just below freezing, on the coast, in the dead of winter and you want me to stand in line for how long?! Oh the things I do for mike...
I got off work early with full intentions of heading out before sundown to beat traffic or whatever. Instead Mike picks me up and takes me to the gym. How socially responsible of him! It was worth it I admit. I felt better about the impending doom of my diet at the hands of this seafood fest. So we hit the road after spending too many points on lunch and spending too much time trying to get mike out the door. As we started climbing in elevation my blood pressure was headed in the same direction. We passed a giant blinking sign that said "Carry snow chains or studded tires". Oh shit should I just turn around?! But we kept on going slowly but surely. It really wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. It was just scary because it was dark and the weather has been so crappy that frankly I had no idea if I'd be seeing any ice on the road or not seeing it which would really be the problem. Snow on the sides of the road just elevated my anxiety. There was a moment where I *did* hit some ice and thought I might die. My heart was in my throat the rest of the way. I think someone must have been looking out for us. Insane as it might sound I felt safer being behind the wheel than I would have felt if it were Mike. I had decided if we were going to die I'd prefer it have been me causing my own demise and not mike causing my demise. It is insane. We have established I'm at least a sandwich short of a picnic.
As you can imagine we made it there safely. We checked into our hotel, a step above motel 6 but you know what it had cable haha, I was gonna say it was warm but it wasn't. We brought our own blanket and it came in handy. We had dinner at the Newport Cafe which was tasty if you ask me. Mike made a snap decision to have an oyster omelet. I think he was less than impressed by his choice. Gawd I love shrimp... just a quick stop at McD's for a sundae and back to our room to settle in and get up early to stand in line in the cold. Oh how exciting...
I had a rough night sleep, we were sharing a full size uh.. maybe a queen. I woke up nearly off the bed. I kept pushing mike over but he wouldn't budge. When I dragged my ass out of bed to pee I realized that bastard was hording a good 2-3 feet of bed! I got back in bed and pushed his chunky ass over. This morning rehashing said events Mike admitted he thought I was trying to push him off the bed. So the plan for the morning was to get up and mosey on over to the stop for the shuttle but first we needed cash. I got some gloves and a scarf at the local Walmart and some cash for the road. The bus left just as we pulled into the lot. Ugh so much for that! We figured we'd be better off just driving ourselves anyway and paying the $5. We found the event and parking on the street directly across from the entrance free of charge wooo! And guess what else? NO LINE AT 10 AM!!! Hell yes score: Jones' 2; Newport 0. We went in and first thing we decided on was breakfast. Crepes to be exact fricken awesome!! I had a crepeadilla haha it was great! While I waited I got some moscato mmm winning combination! Breakfast out of the way we did some more drinking and some more drinking. Mike found some beer I found more wine. We found some oysters, and octopus, and awesome dips and more wine. Shrimp... mmmm good times. I was just tipsy enough to get through the crowds without loosing my mind. By the time we left about 3hrs later we had collected smoked salmon, some mead and some dips to bring home. The line was now nearly around the building... SUCKERS! All in an a successful trip. We had a really good time together which is always a bonus. Our shrink will be happy to hear that. Now if we could only find some stuff to do together that doesn't include food as the main focal point. Well whatever we had fun and we didn't blow all of our points before coming home. Newport, we will definitely be back. We'll wait until summer though. Thanks!

Still here still blogging!

 THIS IS A LOOOONG ONE. It does get pretty honest and it was hard for me to write. It is probably the reason I haven't been writting as much this week so if you want to read it all please do. If you get bored or whatever else I won't know if you didn't read it so don't worry about it. So theres that. Without further adu:




I'd like to start by thanking miss Natascha for reminding me to keep up the dedication to this blog. I wasn't sure if anyone was actually still following along of you all just pop in from time to time. I'm not offended if you only stop in once a month so don't feel obligated but it was nice to see someone is ready and waiting to see what I have to say! So thank you Natascha and thank you to all of my girls!
So then where have I been? Frankly I've been struggling with some stuff and I have been more so struggling with whether or not I wanted to put myself out there (or here?). Regardless this is a safe place right? I hope so anyway. I mean it's pretty fricken open but what I mean is that those of you reading will love me nonetheless. So deep breath and here we go!

I went off of my "crazy pills" a few weeks ago. Pretty dumb idea if you ask anyone in the medical or mental health proffession. Especially since I did it without consulting any of these folks. I just wasn't seeing a benefit from them anymore. Despite knowing better, I went ahead and quit cold turkey. It was probably about a week or so before I really started feeling the withdrawals of it. It was especially bad in the days leading up to last weekend’s trip to Seattle. I think chipping my tooth was really where I started to unravel. I really had no intentions of going to Seattle, hadn’t made any specific plans and didn’t want to impose. But as the day got closer I was getting more pressure from Mike to say yes or no. Then when I said no he was like well I thought you were doing this with so and so. News to me! Ok I guess I’m in is what I ended up giving him. I love visiting Seattle any chance I get, but I wasn’t feeling like myself for obvious reasons. I was very frustrated by this damn tooth and feeling seriously manic. Saturday morning over breakfast I was just an unruly bitch. I recognized that this all sprang from the lack of medication coursing through my system. I stopped and apologized to Mike and told him that I had been off my meds and that is where this anxious bitchy attitude was coming from. Being the wise man that he is he responded with a “well why would you do that?” Not exactly what I needed at that moment. I realize that it wasn’t a smart idea and I don’t have an answer that is going to be satisfactory to anyone but myself.
So I went along with this trip hoping and trying to make the best of it. It was extremely difficult given the group of people I was traveling with. While I love all of my friends it is sometimes difficult for me to be around them. I can be somewhat neurotic and it usually comes off as me making a mountain out of a molehill. I am easily flustered and have this need to escape. I don’t like crowds, I especially can’t stand being amongst a group of people that make simple plans into productions. That is a theme that plagues most of our outings. Dinner in Seattle production #1: Where to go? Ok so we figured it out. Hot pot. Who’s coming? It somehow went from the 4 of us traveling plus Henry to the 5 of us plus person A and person B. Well what about person B’s girlfriend? Or person C? Well person C hasn’t responded and isn’t sure if they’ll make it. And person D? Ok let me see if person D wants to come with. Henry made a reservation for 9, I believe, by the time all was said and done there were 11 of us who showed up for dinner. I started feeling the urge to crawl out of my skin and leave it behind before water was even served.
Production #2: Breakfast. I understand wanting to spend time with people you don’t see every day but come on guys we’re in downtown Seattle and want to take 11 people to breakfast? Somehow you made it work. I’m sure the staff at any location we invade want to die when they see us walk in. I really don’t know that the 18% auto gratuity is enough for putting up with all of us. And #3: I’d like to apologize to Armando who so graciously drove us, for snapping at him. I was just very tightly wound and by the time we went into a deep discussion of the best way to approach Pike’s Place Market I had simply had enough. It simply should not be so difficult to decide that we are going to the market. Park where you want we will eventually find each other. But I did snap a bit. I’m sorry! I did surprisingly well in the market itself. Being around so many people usually upsets me tremendously, but I held up well. It was a nice day in the city. I got cheesecake to go and then we headed home.
If you’re still reading I commend you. I have taken a really long way around to get to my point so I apologize! Being on weight watchers has forced me to scrutinize my eating habits and the actual food I put in my mouth. Often times I find myself uttering “oh my god I can’t believe I just ate that” or thinking I’m totally full so why am I still eating? I was taking a mental inventory of all the crap I had put in my mouth during the 24 hours I was away from home. I started at IHOP having a gross grilled cheese sandwich with bacon and fries… with ranch. Oh and don’t forget that salad with ranch too! The sandwich was just not good so it was a waste of points. On the drive up we stopped in Vancouver to use the bathroom. I picked up a bag of Lays sour cream and onion chips 4pts for 17 chips, a bag of chocolate covered peanuts at 4pts for ¼ cup (why on earth have I memorized these points values?!) and a diet Snapple. The chips were gone within minutes. The peanuts I ate a few of, then put the bag away not to be forgotten they were gone before I was in Seattle. I was so stuffed from breakfast and I wasn’t quite sure why I was eating them. Dinner: Hot Pot, it was hard to pin point points for this since I’m not sure how much I ate. It wasn’t much of the stuff itself. I had 2 pot-stickers and some noodle stuff. Undoubtedly I ate all my points and then some. I was still peckish when we left. Let me tell you hotpot should not be done with that many people it just doesn’t work. So after the show Kisha and I went to I wanted something else. What that something was I’m not sure. I didn’t want a full meal that was for sure. I settled on chocolate chip cookies and vanilla ice cream. Oh yeah I make awesome choices. Chocolate chip cookies according to weight watchers 1 pt each for commercially prepared medium cookies. I ate about 5. Vanilla ice cream 4pts for ½ cup. I ate about a 1 ½ cups. There you go. Sunday morning? I had 3 cookies and 1 cup of ice cream it was an appetizer for breakfast. I had a bad dream had to eat it away. What do you want from me?! Ok so at breakfast: Cheeseburger with bacon: 15 pts. French fries: 20 fries for 11 pts. Salad with ranch: let’s just not rehash that. We then moved onto the market where I had a shrimp cocktail. It was good, it was fresh but I was still full. I thought about tossing the rest but I felt guilty. Even as I write this I realize how our parents effed us up. “You better finish your soup ‘cause there are starving babies in Africa who don’t have any soup!” Now I have a hard time throwing anything away. If it manages to make it to my house in a to-go box it will usually sit in the fridge until it starts growing life. I don’t want anything to do with it but I feel guilty throwing it out or leaving it behind. We stopped in the middle of Washington at Cabelas, the scary place that people who I don’t know go shopping for hunting gear and the like. It is hardcore. They ask you to check your weapons at the door. Seriously they have a gun safe where you can valet that shit. Why were we there? Because of Mike, because Mike enjoys the stranger fare in life. He wanted to go shopping in the deli for some exotic meats. We reached the food court just as they closed, not to mention we didn’t see a deli counter anywhere. Mike was convinced they had offerings of emu, wild boar, and other sad creatures that I don’t ever want to see on my plate. It wasn’t until we were leaving totally discouraged that I spotted said counter. It was housed in the food court which was closed. So we moved on. I was somewhat disappointed at not having obtained a corn dog before leaving. Yes really. I know I was still full but again when the urges strike…
We stopped at Burger King where I demolished enough points for a full day in just one sitting.
So I was contemplating all of this as we drove from Vancouver to Eugene. I was also mulling over the binge I had gone on earlier in the week. You know the one with the chips, sunflower seeds, half pound of carrots and cucumber all being had after a perfectly satisfying dinner. I began to think wow I really have a problem. All kidding aside, what am I doing to myself? I complain that I eat as many points as Mike does in a day but have half the allowance when really there is no need! I am about 80lbs lighter than my husband but happily could eat him under the table. It’s disturbing and quite disgusting! I started googling overeaters anonymous, and thought really is this what my life has come to? I think it is. They have a section labeled is OA for you?

1.     Do you eat when you’re not hungry?

2.     Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?

3.     Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?

4.     Do you give too much time and thought to food?

5.     Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?

6.     Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?

7.     Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?

8.     Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?

9.     Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?

10.   Do you resent others telling you to “use a little willpower” to stop overeating?

11.   Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet “on your own” whenever you wish?

12.   Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?

13.   Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?

14.   Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?

15.   Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?

The site says if you answered yes to 3 or more of the questions chances are you’re well on your way to having a compulsive eating problem. There are 15 questions and I answered yes to 9. What does that tell you? I explained this to Mike a few nights ago. And I’m fighting the tears again just thinking about it. I don’t know that Mike really realized exactly what was happening. As two fat people we tend to say well yeah we eat a lot but we’re fat so I understand I do it too! I had to stop him and explain to him how I felt that particular night with the chips. I made dinner, I ate and I felt full. I would have a few more bites if I had any left I thought to myself. “Try to show some self control Zu” I thought to myself. When Mike left I sat down on the couch and started logging my points on the weight watchers site. Oh I have a few points left I thought, good job! I look over to my left… oh there’s that orange haired temptation monster that weight watchers used for their promotional stuff 2 years ago. He’s staring me right in the face dressed as a bag of Lays chips. So I dug in. Ok I’ll only have one serving I thought. 1/3 of the way down the bag I just crumpled it closed and said ENOUGH! Then I thought well if you’re gonna snack then at least make it something that will fill you up and is 0 points. So I marched into the kitchen and put together a bowl of baby carrots and a sliced cucumber with lemon juice and hot sauce. (Don’t mock it til you try it!) Back on the couch I kept chomping away until the bowl was empty. Mind you this was like a half pound of carrots and a full cucumber. I was so stuffed I couldn’t believe I could still sit up straight. And still I wanted the rest of that damn bag of chips!! Why?! I’m not giving in, I thought. Oh look sunflower seeds! Sometimes I just need something to occupy my mouth. Gum makes my jaw hurt so I don’t use that anymore. So I chomped for what felt like an eternity. Once I was done with that I STILL wanted the chips so I said eff it. I’m eating them. I polished off the bag then finished the sunflower seeds cause there were still some left. Believe me I wondered why I was still going while I was mid chomp. I couldn’t tell you why. I felt ashamed of myself, so ashamed. I wanted to cry, my stomach hurt… it was a very low moment.

I’ve said it half joking before; that if I had it in me to make myself throw up I would be bulimic. There is more truth in that statement than I care to admit to. I said it to Mike recently he asked me why since I’d still be hungry after throwing up. He didn’t realize I was dead serious. No it doesn’t make sense, I’m well aware of the health implications of eating disorders but isn’t what I’m doing to myself classified as one? Is it that I’m fat therefore I can’t possibly have an eating disorder? *Sigh* I started looking at the schedule for the meetings. I’ll be honest; I’m not sure if I will go. I’m not sure if I’m at a point where I can commit… I suppose I’m taking the first step in admitting it to myself.

learning to fly

No I'm really not learning how to fly but I felt like I was tonight. And no I wasn't hitting the wacky tobacco either! It was gym night. I thought tonight would be the night when Zumba and I got even. I decided not to do the class tonight. We've been working out with one of Mike's coworkers, he's on a contract here for a few months and he's exactly what the Dr. ordered. He's a big health junkie. Well maybe thats not the right term. He was a military man and owned a gym for a number of years. His wife works in Vancouver with some sort of nutritional supplement company. Either way he knows what he's doing and he wants us to know what we're doing. He's been training us about 3 x a week but the DAC being the big fancy pants assholes they are want him to pay a ridiculous joining fee and he's not having it. So long story short I wasn't sure if tonight would be the last night we'd have access to him in the gym so I wanted to get a full routine down in case it was. We worked on back and shoulders tonight. Oh I felt the burn! I feel it still! I never realized I could get my heart pumping like that just from weight lifting! I guess it's what happens when you're doing it right! I had to flap my bat wings with weights in each hand as I did. Ugh... I'm too tired to even hold the laptop in my lap. Gonna cut and run! But before I do, I weighed in this morning. 229! Woot!! That's about 6.2 lbs less than I was 3 weeks ago. Thank you thank you couldn't have done it without you!

Who loves Balsamic Vinegar?!

If you didn't say I do then poo on you!! Tonight I made an amazing strawberry vinaigrette! I also purchased an immersion hand blender. Oh I am in loooooove! Remember that half flat of strawberries the nice mexican sold me about a week ago? Well I let them almost go bad *sad face* I sliced up about half of them and Mike and I have been eating them for breakfast but then friday rolled around and we were in Seattle over the weekend. At least I refrigerated them! But anyway I've been thinking of this vinaigrette for a few days and tonight was the night. So I pulled them out of the fridge and was super sad to see so many of them were all ickified. I salvaged what I could which was till about a good sized bowl. I tossed them in the cup that comes with the blender and off we went! I don't follow recipes well so thats why I don't usually cook from them. I take basic ideas then I just kinda make them. I just started pouring balsamic vinegar in as it blended and some olive oil and some salt. I stopped, tasted and I was so amazed at myself! Well I only have mother nature to thank but I pat myself on the back too. So delicious!! Drizzled over some Romaine hearts a bit of red onion thats all I used but boy did it make magic happen in my mouth!

Help Wanted

I need to hire someone to wash my hair and put deodorant on for me. Thanks to the work out I had on Thursday I have been unable to lift my arms beyond certain points. I guess it is proof that I did something? I don't know. What I do know is that I need some extra help around here and Mike would only take advantage of the situation. 
So I'm also in the market for a heart rate monitor. I was going bonkers last night with the monitors on the machines. While huffing and puffing the POS machine kept reading my heart rate at 34. When it changed it was only to jump to 300 then back down to 30. I guess If I hadn't gone off my crazy pills I wouldn't have cared as much as I did last night. I don't like that feeling. It was some sorta crazy lady rage.So I guess it's time to go back on. I thought I'd be ok to come off them because frankly I don't think they're having the same effect as before. Maybe it's time to try something new instead. C'est la vie! 
I'm exhausted... this week was long and hard. I hoped for a long three day weekend at home but the things I get wrapped into make me say meeeeh. I'll be back home tomorrow and I'll have Monday off yay! So goodbye for now!

chips, fruit, bacon, missing theeth?!

Hot on the heels of last night's debacle with the chips and sunflower seeds comes today's lunch. I'll admit I've been feeling a lot guilty about last night still. I'm looking forward to the work out tonight but I can't help but feel like I let myself down. And like any good overweight person I fix that feeling by eating it away. Seriously. It makes zero sense but that's what I do anyway. I eat almost all feelings away. I remember being bent over the side of my bed last summer bawling my eyes out because every time I moved my back fell into spasms. Did that keep me from chowing down on that subway sandwich that Mike presented me with? Pssh! I seasoned the sandwich with the salty tears if nothing else but it went down just fine.

So this morning started off with a bowl of fresh strawberries and banana slices. So far so good right? Also I might mention the strawberries were purchased on a random corner from a random Hispanic gentleman. Just a fun fact haha. I thought it was a bit presumptuous of him to immediately speak Spanish to me when we pulled over but come on who's gonna purposefully turn around to stop and buy some fruit off the side of the road if not a Mexican? $12 for a half flat of berries, not bad, not bad at all. So back to our regularly scheduled program! I sliced up some strawberies last night and I managed to get them into tupperware before they got in my mouth. So this morning we had sliced strawberies and bananas. 0 points! Makes me try and dance but we don't dance around here. So lunch rolled around and I was so hungry I was prepping to eat a small child. Weight watchers doesn't have the points value for small child leg by the way. We decided on Cornicopia instead. Not a bad idea, it's close by and it's tasty. But low in points? Who cares! I was decisive. I was having a blt with avocado, fries, and a side salad with ranch.
Wow we had some awful service which really annoyed the hell out of me. We waited about 45 min for our food to come. When Tracy spoke up because we had all of like 5 minutes to get back to work the incredibly rude waiter responded with something along the lines of "your food will be out when its done." No I'm sorry you've been waiting an hour for some toasted bread and french fries not to mention I never got my damn salad! Ugh!! So a few more minutes go by and the food finally arrives. Oh I ate the hell out of that blt mostly cause I was so hungry but partially I was eating out of anger. Bastards! Oh and get this. When the check comes and the waitress is now oh so appologetic, she charged me for the salad!! Uh no thanks! So she brings a corrected check and when she brings my card back she brought the salad. Ok your tip just went from zero to $1. Call me rude, or cheap but really? It took an hour for us to get our food and major attitude from the staff, you're lucky I paid for it at all. Not only that but it was ALL of my points for today. Guess I'll be having fruit for dinner or spending 2 hours before dinner in the gym.

Ooookay! So venting aside, wallowing aside... I was looking at some kitchen toys. Oh there are some insanely expensive toys I would love to have then there are things that made me scratch my head. Here are two of the top what the heck products I found. 

These are for my buddy Wilson who has been left without a veggie peeler.



The directions read, fill spout with beer or wine and impale chicken.


Sitting at my desk minding my own business trying to pry a piece of lettuce that was stuck between my two front teeth. Suddenly I was left with 1 and 1/2 front teeth. The horror!!! Ok maybe it wasn't that much but a hunk of tooth broke off!!! Thats what I get for procrastinating. I've had a cavity back there for a while and there was a filling that fell out last year but since the dentist had chosen to focus on other teeth first he used up all my allowance on a root canal first. I had no idea that tooth even needed it! The sole reason I went in last year was for this same tooth when the filling fell out. He said it wasn't a big deal and I could wait until this year to work on that one and here I am just over half way through February with half a tooth missing. I should have called him in January I know I know but good lord...
I immediately got on the phone with their office. Which was closed. Closed at 3pm on a Thursday. Really? Seriously? Ok plan B, whos that dr I kept hearing about on the radio? Obnoxious ass commercials... name of a famous singer... not Michael Bolton (a la office space haha) Dave Matthews, thats the ticket! Ok soonest you can see me is Thursday the 24th? *sigh* Ok... put me down! Grumble grumble... I tried another doctor who's like right up the street. The number doesn't work. Um.. ok! Plan ummm... what letter are we on? E? Z?  XX? Whatever. Georgia recomended her dentist who is close to where we live. Ok Monday it is! I still have to go all of Friday with a missing part of my tooth and apparently a lisp. Man I get hotter by the minute! I'm not a happy camper. A hungry one at that who is now affraid of eating for fear of losing the rest of that damn tooth. Le sigh...

Stumbled and fell face first

Into an open bag of Lays potato chips.
Because this ins't somewhere I only talk about the good things or funny things I do. I made dinner tonight. Followed a recipe from the WW site and it was alright. Shrimp with zucchini and grape tomatoes. 4 points a serving. I had two. Not bad, I didn't do much more snacking than a piece of chocolate during the day so I had points to use. I had a spinach salad with a little vinaigrette on the side. I felt about 80% satisfied. So what happened? I dunno... It started with a few innocent sunflower seeds. I stopped before it got too far. I got some carrots and some cucumber slices. Then I polished off the bag of sunflower seeds. Oh I'd call that a good 12 points. Next? The bag of Lays potato chips Mike left on the couch. I can't believe I finished that off too! I lost track of how many chips I ate. 15 chips is one serving. If there were 3 servings left that too is another 12 points. I felt disgusting after eating all that. And now? I'm starting to feel the munchies again. No I have not been smoking any weed I'm just insatiable tonight! *sigh* Tomorrow is another day.

Zuzu's magic shoes

Yesterday was weigh in day. So let's just get that out of the way. I got on the scale before Zumba in my chonis and sports bra and the scale read 233. So I didn't go up or down. I asked everyone plus the internet if one does in fact weigh less in the morning than at night and we all agree. Yes! So it is likely that I might have lost a pound or two but since mike has us going to the gym at night now I was weighing when I got to the gym. I've been holding out and trying not to purchase a scale for years. For a few reasons. One I'm fat and I don't need a reminder of it every time I go pee. Two... well I guess there was only the one reason!
I got into work yesterday and decided what the hell lets see what the scale at work has to say about me! I got on the scale and it read 232. Clothed and wearing my shoes. I needed some inspiration to get back on without my shoes. You know like if I got in and it was higher than 233 then I'd be like ok let me get my shoes off woo! But if it was less then I'd be like oh shit yeah lemme toss these bitches off and see how much I lost!! Before I climbed back on I let one of my coworkers on. She had just been to the dr so she was pretty confident in her weight. She get's on and it was like a pound different so I got back on without my shoes. Something horrible happened! The scale went UP. What the hell?! I got off and got back on again still 236. Ok don't panic Zuzu... I put my shoes back on and jumped back on. STILL 236. That was when I told the scale to go eff itself. It makes sense that it would be all messed up since we're weighing on carpet. But still. So my magic shoes and I went to work. Before I left the office I said ok let's see what the final number is. I jumped on the scale magic shoes and all. It read 198. I wish it wasn't lying to me. But I know better...

Out of sight but not out of mind

Mike made a big mistake trusting me with the bag of chocolates he removed from the box he gave me. I stashed them in the top drawer of my desk. Unfortunately there isn't a timed vault device to keep me out of it. There isn't a single other thing in there that I could need in a typical day but yet it can't seem to keep closed. I'm trying to distract myself with you know, work, but that that's not helping. I play Russian roulette with one of my spreadsheets. There are so many names on it and on any given day I can find at least 3 that need to be removed for various reasons but no one notifies us. So I could go name by name and sort through the first few hundred before I find one or I can play Russian roulette. Close my eyes hit the scroll thingy and click. Doesn't it sound thrilling?! It isn't. Instead I keep opening the drawer shoving my hand in the bag and hoping as I bite into the piece of chocolate that I chose blindly, that the filling won't make me gag.
So I survived Zumba this evening. I was still not on queue with the class but more often than not I was going left when they too were going left. I also had to modify some of the steps to accommodate the increasingly louder cries from my body. My knees ache, as did my head when I first walked into class. It hurt all afternoon actually. Around 3:45 I broke down and made a pot of coffee. It was awful! I can't make coffee. But I drank it cause I was dying. It was a bit too late to catch that headache. So anyway Zumba. It didn't kill me it brought down my blood sugar which was also high before I started. I attribute that to the chinese food I had for lunch.
I had a salad for dinner, with a pecan crusted piece of chicken. I ate only half of the chicken and demolished the salad. Mike ordered some cajun fries which I was overly eager to help him with. Half way through the salad I had this empty feeling in my stomach and was already preparing for an after dinner snack. Maybe some fruit I thought... chomp chomp chomp... Polished off the salad, I don't know why I just didn't want that damn chicken. But now I'm feeling like I might need to toss it all up. I got home and showered and now here I am. Sleepy and nauseated. And sore. Before I sign off I have a question. Kinda a random and possibly TMI kinda question. But all that flopping around left my uh... lady parts hurting lol I wonder if there is such a thing as a sports bra undies contraption. Anyone else ever have this problem? Maybe I'm just a weirdo.

A little of this, A lot of that.

I don’t judge books by their covers, but by their back covers. Just like on most nights of my past I picked dinner by pictures on a menu board. I bought a book for my kindle this morning not only based on the title but because of the description of it. I can’t wait to dig into this one. This woman sounds like someone I need in my life. The book is titled “Not Tonight, Honey: Wait ‘Til I’m A Size 6” written by Susan Reinhardt. Publishers weekly wrote a snippet on it that included things along the lines of this: “Reinhardt slips Zoloft into her husband's tea for several weeks to cure him of an incessant need to clean and an overactive libido.” When I read that I about died laughing! Not that Mike needs any more help not cleaning but well you all know… Funny enough I ordered him a tea kettle this morning as his belated V-Day gift. Believe me he’ll enjoy it. It comes with like 20 different teas. And now as I prepare the water for his tea I’ll be slipping some lexapro in the water! Ha!! It’s a great thing he doesn’t bother with reading my blogs. He asked me the other night what I was talking about in the blog titled Creepy Creeper. I told him to read it. He didn’t. Anyway back to this book, (and yes I’m deathly serious about the lexapro) there was also a snippet about her giving an interview while suffering from irritable uterus syndrome and winds up reading a headline on her “grumpy vagina”. Holy crap I think I’m gonna have to stalk this woman!!
Moving on… It’s Valentine’s day!!


It's small type but the donkey says "Can I get lucky tonight? the alpaca responds "NO!!!"

  At the office we celebrate any event big or small with a potluck. It’s no surprise… we’ll just stop beating that dead horse! So what good’s do I see on that spread? Cookies, pancakes, biscuits and gravy, chips and sala, lil smokies (omg I can’t stop eating them!) Georgia made these smore brownies. I’m staring at one right now. It’s a graham cracker crust, brownie in the middle and marshmallow on top. I haven’t broken down and eaten it… yet. Oh there were pickes, there was some sort of noodle salad with penut sauce. And someone (perhaps mocking us or making a real effort) brought in some apples, a grapefruit and I think a banana. The only things I should have been putting in my mouth but let’s get serious. I have been drinking oodles of ice water yay me! And I’m going to the gym tonight. When Mike’s alarm went off this morning I wanted to climb up and over the fluffy bear to beat his phone to a pulp. It was playing the adult chocolate milk song. Not something I want to hear as I am rudely woken. I don’t particularly care for any of his choices in alarms. There was a time when I woke up to the sound of “terrorists” screaming “DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIMMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!” Oh my gawd I think my heart stopped a few times. So I guess adult chocolate milk isn’t the worst he’s chosen. Anyway he turned it off and we both promptly went back to sleep. Thank goodness for the wonderful friends who text me first thing in the morning to wish me a happy V-Day otherwise I’m not sure when we would have gotten up. So no gym in the morning, no breakfast as I ran out the door only the delicious goodies that I won’t even bother counting. Tonight will be low on the points scale. Ok well the salmon is kinda hefty like 8 pts but the vinaigrette for my spinach salad is only 3pts. We will be going tonight so that should gain back some of the points I’m splurging on this morning.
I've been eye balling new kitchen gadgets that I probably don't need. I should, however, take inventory of what I do have. Oh you know I just like shinny new things. I have a disgusting obcession with organizational tools. Which if you've seen my kitchen (or the place in general) would make you wonder what the hell? During our last trip to Seattle we had a 45 min wait to go into the dumpling place which is housed in the same building as none other than THE CONTAINER STORE. I can't express how much I love that place. It makes me wish I was a home owner so that I could buy everything I've ever wanted and screw it into whatever wall I want. I don't think Henry would really care if I was making improvements to his place but I'd be leaving my perfect house behind when we eventually move on. When I walk through the doors of that store, well let me back up and say as I approach the doors of that place I am filled with this mystical excitement. I start feeling like a shook champane bottle milliseconds before the cork bursts out. I looooooove containers of all shapes and sizes. A place for everything and everything in its place!! I don't know where this obscession came from. Henry joked that maybe it was brought on by living with Mike for the last 8 years and that could very well be true. I have a storage unit full of Mike stuff. Crates of vinyl records, dvd's, games, posters, desks, tables, a raft and paddles, bike tires... Oh my head just spinns at the thought of it all. And in the far corner is a stack of big plastic tubs. I stopped bothering with cardboard boxes since we were moving so frequently during our first few years together. I love my plastic tubs. It's demented, I know this all too well. Oh but wandering through the container store... Exuberance. They had lunch containers that came with collapsible chop sticks!! Salad containers that had a seprate container for your dressing! Cereal dispensers! Last night I found a shot glass that doubles as a measuring cup. Maybe it's the other way around! Either way it is a shot glass that has measurements for tablespoon, teaspoon and ounces. I also found a beeker that had different measurements. I have so many ideas for these beautiful foods I want to make. I've been lurking around my friends blogs Amy and Jo in particular. Amy not only makes amazing foods but she takes some fricken phenomenal pictures of it!! Gives a whole new meaning to looking good enough to eat. And Jo she does the same, man I'm envious of their photography skills too! Ha ha! Jo also keeps track of the WW points so I've been starting to dig through her history and look for foods that I think I could replicate. Have I ever mentioned I love food?

What a guy! I got the chocolates too!

Valentines day goodness

It isn't until tomorrow but Mike has no clue when it is. I take that back. He knows because he asked me over dinner if I'd like to cook dinner for tomorrow's HD Monday. HD Monday is a weekly event at our house that started back in the days of Heroes before that went up in flames. Well I guess technically so did HD Mondays. It fizzled out quickly after that. He's been trying desperately to revive it, to no avail of course. But since some folks thought they might make it this week my darling spouse started cooking up ideas. So over dinner he asks if I'd like to cook tomorrow night for HD Monday. I am not particularly a romantic but I responded with "It's valentines day". mostly cause I know he invites at least one friend who is in a relationship. If the rest of the nerds want to spend an evening with us I don't mind. I already had plans for dinner as it turned out. Tomorrow's dinner will consist of baked salmon and a spinach salad with a warm bacon vinegarette. I wish I could be more excited about it but I've been feeling unsettled since brunch.
I was wandering around Walmart and I thought I gave myself motion sickness from walking around and looking at my phone. I was using my handy dandy points calculator app and growing more and more disgusted by the foods I used to eat. I was especially annoyed by the amount of points in the "healthy" pastas. Like the whole wheat, extra amino and junk. Applesauce has 1 pt per tiny container. Thanks, I'd rather go eat an apple for free and save that point for something else! And what's the deal with sun dried tomatoes? As in where the fuck can I find them?! I suppose I should just schlep my ass over to trader joe's but I really don't like going store to store especially if I'm looking for *one* item. I've used 28 points today. I had an early dinner and I'm sure to get hungry again. Hell I'm probably hungry right now but like I mentioned earlier something just isn't sitting right.
I also wondered if the sound of the shrieking kids was making me sick. I can't doubt that for a second seeing as how Walmart has such a high end clientele with their well behaved spawn. If I didn't know better I'd start wondering if I'd somehow managed to... I can't even type the words. But since I  do know better I'm not letting my poor mind go there.
So it's valentines day tomorrow. I might have mentioned that. You might have noticed it. Why is it that I instinctively associate it with eating? Oh right cause I'm a food addict. And people make it so easy for me to continue down that spiral of terrible eating. Guess what were doing at work tomorrow? Having a Valentines day pot luck. Yeah like any of us really need a reason to stuff our faces with shit. And being the celebration of  gluttony (I mean love, err capitalism in the name of love) it is sure to be a diabetics nightmare or dream come true. It's hard to decide when you're 90lbs overweight and have an insulin pump strapped to your gut.
Mike asked me what I'd think if he got me chocolates tomorrow. I told him I'd find it insensitive and cruel. He was taken aback and asked why. Really sweetheart? Cause I'm a fat diabetic who just managed to get her other foot on the weight watchers band wagon. I was being dragged behind the wagon the first day remember? That would be why.

Bacon... *drool*

Just a few quickies. First I had to make the difficult decision this morning between hashbrowns and bacon. Ok it wasn't that difficult. I had eggs and bacon and a biscuit for breakfast. Left behind 2 slabs of ham and my hashbrowns. Still breakfast came to 15 points. Sad face!
Next up, movie theater popcorn. What is it about it that makes you forget how full you are when the scent wafts past your face?!
Last but not least Henry threatened to force feed me a bacon cheesecake. Really? What kind of threat is that? Psssh bring it on biatch!

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Creepy Creeper

This one goes out to my lovely lady of the city Kisha-Marie Jones!
So occasionally I get texts from Kisha while she is hopping from one adventure to the next. This girl knows how to live let me tell you! But being in the city, public transportation is almost always a smarter choice. Have you ever tried parking in down town anywhere?! Anyway the texts I get are sometimes regarding the creeps that she ends up sitting next to. I only rode the bus when I lived in Seattle a brief number of times. Enough to make me want to cry for my car. But on one of my trips I was also unfortunate enough to encounter the phenomenon of the empty seat... There is a nearly empty bus when you arrive at a stop. A passenger or two will board and even though there are seats as far as the eye can see, the one super creepy (or stinky) dude sits right next to you! Really dude? You could have the entire back row to yourself! Go stretch out! Or air out whatever his particular situation is. Sadly this happens to Kisha more often than she would appreciate.
Today I was that creeper. I was at the gym and after busting my chops I decided to shower. Yes you're all very welcome! So anyway I have an excuse for my creepy behavior and we'll get to it. The shower room was empty except for my unsuspecting victim. I got to my shower hung up my towel and turned on the water. The woman on the other side of that shower wall was likely wondering why on earth I would park my ass in the stall directly next to hers when every other shower was empty. Please lady don't flatter yourself. I'm not a creepy peeping tom and I would rather stare at my own naked body thank you very much! Some of the women that frequent the DAC (downtown athletics club) could rival skelletors mother. It's rather frightening to walk around in that locker room. All these decrepit old white ladies and the occasional Asian. Seriously I think I'm the only Mexican that belongs to that gym! There might be one or two that are locked away in the laundry room but as far as members go it's just me. Anyway, getting back to the point. They just love to walk around naked!! I don't know where to avert my eyes to. I'm not so much uncomfortable with the nakedness but they're just ewww.
The woman in the shower may not have given a damn that I was showering next to her. Or maybe she did. Regardless I had a reason. See there are 5 shower stalls. 1 and 2 have no doors, 4 and 5 have no water pressure. #3 is just right... It has a door and water pressure that probably is missing from 4 and 5. So whenever possible I go in that stall which is what I did today but I just had to laugh at myself for being THAT weirdo. I am not defending the creeps on the bus though. Thats just freaky.

Red Lobster did baaaad things to me!!!

Well not necessarily me but I consumed approximately 77 points in total for the day. It doesn't help that Georgia and I started the morning sharing a large pan pizza from pizza hut. We couldn't help it! Everyone else was having Kowloons and we really really didn't want that so we went for the next evil thing. A pan pizza with every meat and veggie on it. Except for anchovies. Anchovies are gross. We quickly did away with that pizza. I guess if we were counting our budgets we would have done tremendously better than our points. While the large pizza was $10 it was 7pts per slice!
I went into this Red Lobster dinner fully intending on doing some damage so it's a good thing I spent that hour in Zumba on Tuesday. Cheddar biscuits - 4pts. Seaside shrimp trio - 27 pts. Although I was just telling  Mike, I didn't eat the alfredo linguine that comes with it. By the time I got my food the plate was hot but the noodles were not. I picked the shrimp out of it and left the pasta behind. So I think I will take back a few points!! Anyone who's been in weight watchers before has probably heard of Dotties Weight Loss Zone it isn't sanctioned by Weight Watchers but someone always brings it up in the meetings and makes the instructors uncomfortable. It is an incredible source of information. This woman has put together roughly 500 restaurant guides with the original points and now converting them to points plus. She's a hero to the weight watchers community cause the damn food guide online doesn't usually have information for popular restaurants. And while you can search out the food you want and it may have a match it's assuming you're making it at home which could potentially make it healthier. So anyway... Dotties has the points plus guide for Red Lobster and I found that the shrimp scampi had all of 5 pts! Really? yay! Walt's favorite fried shrimp - 10 *sad face* but the damn pasta alfredo?! 15 Yeah that was shocking. So considering I didn't eat the noodles and picked out the shrimp I have to assume some of those vicious calories still made it in my face. I decided to half the points and thats been generous towards the fat. I don't think it was that many really but lets go with that. Reading nutrition guides is fucking frightening. It makes me wish I could be bulimic some days lol I don't mean that I'm sorry. So here it is Saturday morning, evil Henry with his culinary amazement and a trunk full of cream puffs (yes he really did have cream puffs in his trunk last night) has rolled into town. I hear lamb stew is in our future. We were talking about making a chocolate lava cookie for desert. Oh right thats the other thing we had at red lobster. 27 pts for an entire cookie and ice cream. I had about 1/4 of one. I split it with some friends. Does someone want to pat me on the back for that? Well before you say no, I'm getting ready to strap on my sneakers and head my tubby ass to the gym. So here I go!

Hungry Hungry Hippo!! I mean Zuzu...

This afternoon as I tried to thaw out I wandered around the grocery store looking for fruits and veggies. Good job right?! Man I was starving! So I made sure to stay out of "those" isles. You know the ones where they keep the tasty sodium filled yummies. I've been hungry most of the day. Had an apple for breakfast before the gym, hmm that's probably why I was so damn hungry! I had sushi for lunch. Tracy says that's not food. I'd be more inclined to agree with her if not for the butt loads of rice I ate! I had a few plates off the conveyor belt and some edemame. All in all it was like 20 points. What the hell. It was the rice obviously. 

So back at the funny farm, err grocery store... I was in line checking out with my fruits and asparagus for dinner and what do you know I realized by blood sugar was making its way south. What was surprising to me is that I didn't grab a snickers bar or a kit kat bar. I got to the car checked my glucose level and found it at 74. So I slaughtered an apple. Thats right I made a better choice without flinching! Ah that feels like a pat on the back! 

Dinner consisted of a tiny chicken, sesame ginger asparagus and "chunky mushrooms" they were sauted in olive oil and garlic then a splash of balsamic vinegar. For desert I'm thinking some watermelon. FREE yay!! Dinner came to a whopping 13pts. That's really not bad at all. Thats only cause I ate the skin on my chicken. I only ate about half of the chicken. A WHOLE skinless cornish game hen is only 6 pts. If you eat it with the skin = 20 *sad face* So the damn chicken was 10 pts of my 13 pt dinner. Crazy!! But thats ok cause I could have been eating at Wendy's or McDonnald's which by the way I haven't had in a long time. 

My body aches from the gym but it's a satisfying ache. I'm really proud of the big donkey and me. He's lost like 3lbs I think. Kudos to him!

Low fat butter assault

“When I hear the word low-fat I reach for a stick of butter.” What a way to catch someone’s attention! Eric Burkett is a food writer and cook in San Francisco and while googling low-fat yogurt I ran into an article he wrote about his disdain for low-fat anything but in particular the article was going after yogurt. I fully agree with him about low-fat foods. They tend to lack flavor or sometimes it’s just a very processed flavor. Ideally I would be eating smaller portions of the full fat version of my food. Ideally. Ideally I would enjoy the recommended portion size of my non low-fat yogurt and fruit or granola or whatever I toss on it and be happy with that. But I’m not in an ideal position. Let’s be real. If I had a handle on portion sizes or rather eating only the correct portion sizes (cause I know how to use a measuring cup), I would possibly be a smaller and healthier person. I say possibly because who knows if that’s realistic with my genetic makeup. Makeup aside, I simply eat because I can. I eat when I’m hungry, when I’m sad, when I’m bored, when I’m mad, when I’m happy, when I’m sleepy, when I just had dinner and 20 minutes have gone by!

Gone are the days when I would sit around eating bean and cheese burritos from the frozen section of the grocery store. The one’s that you can just microwave and enjoy. Oh no not me. I would microwave them so that they would no longer be frozen before I threw them in a frying pan with some vegetable oil and once they were nice and crisp I would toss them on a plate and cover them in monterrey jack cheese and hot sauce. I shudder to imagine the point value for a concoction such as that. But frankly while my taste buds have moved away from the frozen isle of the grocery store they haven’t gotten much healthier. Oh cheese how I love thee. Olives and cheese… If I lived in the Mediterranean somewhere I would be eating hard boiled eggs, tomatoes, cucumbers and feta cheese for breakfast. Kalamata olives are pretty high in points. We’re talking 1 point for every 3 olives. I could sit and eat a jar full before realizing what I just ate, not to mention the cheese that would be eaten right along with it. I love calamari, nothing like deep fried well anything! Cheese sticks… *drool* I’ll tell you a secret. About 8 years ago I spent a few months living with my friend and her uncle. He had this magnificent house that over looked the ocean and he let us spend his money like water (or vodka). He was a drinker. A heavy drinker, I’m talking wake up at 6am and plop down in front of the news with a super size cup from Jack-in-the-box full of ice and vodka and a splash of lemon juice or whatever was in the fridge just so he wouldn’t confuse himself into thinking he was drinking water. Where was I going with that? Oh yes, so we had an unlimited supply of vodka and cash. We would have breakfast at our favorite bars and dinner at our other favorite bars. I guess since we were hanging out with a well known drunk no one stopped to card us. We were served booze all over Manhattan and Redondo Beach. At home we had a freezer stocked with crap and pot. Well the pot wasn’t in the fridge but it was at home. His son and I would get super duper baked and make egg rolls in the oven (good for me for not deep frying them!) then we would dip them in nacho cheese. Nacho cheese is one of my biggest weaknesses.

I’m totally gonna die of heart problems at this pace. Georgia just shared a story of her brother in law who died of an exploded heart. Yeah I think I’m ready to change my ways! While dying with a brick of cheese in your mouth is a funny thought I don’t imagine it would be pleasant. Speaking of death by food: if you feel like reading something odd --> click here 

Gotta see it to believe it!

What exactly must one see to believe? Well for starters the fact that Zuzu really has no rhythm! Like none! I went to the Zumba class tonight and good gravy... I really do march to the beat of my own drummer! While the instructor and the rest of the class were going left I was going right. I was just flopping around. If you've ever seen someone have a seizure imagine them doing so standing up and seizing. I equate it to a walrus in seizure. Just close your eyes. I'll wait. Really close them. Try to envision it. It's funny isn't it? Holy mother it was rough going. But I stuck it through. An hour and 16 activity points later, I stumbled out of there and into the locker room. Which leads me to things 2 and 3!
So #2: why in the holy mother effing hell why on earth is a gym offering food samples? Really? Cause last time I checked people went to the gym cause they're fat or they wanna stay not fat! I don't know what they were offering cause as one of those that falls into the "fat" category I didn't really need it. I dunno what the deal was but the manager was trying to push it on every ass that walked through that door.
And # 3: I lost 3lbs! WOOOT WOOT I'd do a happy dance if again see #1 haha! Fan-fricken-tabulous! Go me!

Soda and Sodium...

Is it just a coincidence that soda shares 3/4 of it's letters with Sodium? Bastard ingredient that makes my wedding rings not fit. That's what I'm blaming not the extra fat around my neck. I guess my sister might have been onto something. 
Fat, nuts, candy all good reasons I'm as pleasantly plump as I am these days but sodium sucks big lolly pops. It makes food so tasty, it enriches my life. You know what's frightening is that it is in like EVERYTHING! Thank God I don't suffer from high blood pressure... yet. I was reading the nutrition facts for some stuff at Carl's Jr. I understand the irony in a nutrition guide for a joint like that. Chriminy there is salt in that shit! Again, the reason it's oh so tasty. Does anyone know the recommended daily allowance of sodium? I looked it up. It's less than 2,400 milligrams (mg) that equates to approximatively 1 teaspoon per day. Do you realize that I easily pour about that much on my Yumm bowl (which I eat at least once a week). Soda... why does it need sodium? I even found sodium in insane quantities in walmart's brand of kool aid like substance! 
What's a girl to do? I can really only worry about so many things at once! I'm already counting carbs, counting points, glasses of water, servings of fruits and veggies. Well I'm only going to worry about it when I think about it. This weekend for instance... braised beef soup... yum... Damn it Henry Tang beat me over the head with a hard core salt lick! Mmmm braised beef. Up next, well I had a salad with a vinaigrette for dinner, followed by a chocolate lava something. Oh but Sunday, God's day, Zuzu was dying of cramps day. So what is one to do? Eat more salt of course! Because we all know salt fixes cramps. Geez. Anyway back to the subject at hand, food. Breakfast OMG I had this fresh cinnamon roll with this buttery frosting (I'm drooling just a little bit. You should be too) steak and eggs for breakfast. Of course I was so full from the roll that I had the eggs and a few bites of steak. And some potatoes. I hope you're all keeping track cause I didn't count any points all weekend. If anyone figures out how many points I ate please let me know! Back at Boss Tangs, cream puffs. Mike figured out a cream puff is about 9 points. But we're not sure the size of said puff. Then lunch. We went to Bellevue to some chinese dumpling place. Henry ordered item after item. I was like holy bananas on a stick (slathered in chocolate and peanuts)! It was all so so tasty and so full of sodium. By the bucket load I tell you! When we dropped him off I picked up my wedding rings and I could barely slip them on past my knuckle. I told Henry I could work out all week and not take off half of what I ate. Henry's response made my day. He said he couldn't follow my diet cause he plans to die with chopsticks in his hand. And a video game controller in the other. "You have to have a balance." So tomorrow friends of mine marks 1 week since I began on Weight Watchers. That means it's time to step on the big scary scale. Whether or not I lost weight I won't be discouraged. I would have eaten this that and the other all weekend long but I had a better week than I would have otherwise so bring on the scale, bring on all the scales!! 

stop eating the nuts!!

I woke up with some hardcore cramps.
Hello you bastardly visitor. I thought we ended our relationship 6 months of birth control ago! It does explain why I haven't been able to keep my grubby paws out of the bag of pistachios. I keep hearing Mike's voice in my head saying stop crunching in there! Yeah well eff you Mike Jones... with your unlimited supply of points... I had to tell him last night per the weight watchers site that he doesn't have to finish all his points so long as he's eating at least 29 a day. That bastard had over 29 left after we finished dinner! Why can't he just loan me some? I'd gladly loan him some of my belly roll. Well I guess he doesn't really need that trade. What do I have that he doesn't? That's a whole other conversation isn't it.
I took what I think was ibuprofen. I sure hope it was... I'm going cross eyed which is a good indication that I may have taken something else. At least I know nothing on the shelf of pills will kill me. If nothing else I'll just sleep the entire way up to Seattle in the back seat of that giant car we got. We rented a car. I reserved a full size, they were out of cars so they gave mike a Suburban. Well shit I won't complain.

Goldilocks and the whole enchilada

I was a child with some heft so don't let the title fool you. I have never been as small as goldie. I'm sure she never had an enchilada for that matter! But I digress ... If you stay with me I promise I'll get somewhere...
I got to the gym this morning eager to earn back some of last nights dinner. Hopped on a stationary bike and went to town. About 5 min in my thighs were on fire. By minute 16 I had enough. Maybe the elipticle will be kinder. I tell myself a lot if lies in that building. 3 minutes on the elipticle and that was that. Ok lets try this stationary bike. I can't get used to the reclining bikes they emphasize my gut and are just awkward. Well the regular bikes have seats created for little people who don't sit on so much weight. I felt like I was wearing the seat as a thong. Ouch... Still I wasn't quite ready to throw in the towel so I took a leisurely stroll on the tredmill. Ahhhh this is just right...
I got to work and collapsed in my chair damning mikes name. How dare that asshole try and help me get healthier?! For lunch I walked to 5th st market where I enjoyed a shrimp quesadilla for 7 points and a spinach salad with oil and vinegar. Its point values are yet to be determined so stay tuned! It's amazing by the way all the shennanigans I can do from my phone! Blogging included! So as I wrote this I enjoyed my spinach salad. There were no enchiladas in my immediate future. But I ate the hell out of that quesadilla! They gave me rice and beans with it. Yuck. Ok maybe not yuck but I'm mad at rice right now. I'm trying to break it off gently and it just doesn't seem to get the point. I'm sorry rice we just can't stay friends! Already this week we've been down that street twice! It's such a difficult decision. I mean here I am telling cheese it can stay cause I can have it with fruit for minimal points. Rice, however kind and gentle as it may be on my tummy, it generally causes havock on my blood sugars and it's high in points!

When Mike and I first lived together in Washington there were days were all I ate was white rice. Can you blame me? It's tasty, cheap, and with butter and seasoning salt anything tastes better. Living with a bunch of men who wouldn't have known a good meal if it bit them on the ass didn't make it easier. In our colorful cast of characters we had Will who was the resident filipino and me the resident mexican. We always had rice. How could a girl not drown her sorrows and find peace at the bottom of a bowl of rice?!

Life was cheap back then. We were also broke. With age comes (if you're lucky these days) an increase in wages and a more refined palet. Mike and I enjoy good cheese. Mike spends "cheddar" on his cheddar cheese! (haha that made me chuckle) If cheese is where it ended we might be ok. We enjoy good meals, hefty ones. Carbs are a staple in my diet. Adkins can go suck a carrot for all I care. Oh but he wouldn't... carbs... A stick of butter then! Don't get me wrong I love me some fruits and vegetables too and they don't have to be deep fried for me to enjoy them either. Ranch dressing doesn't hurt though. Cheese, beer, red meat, wine, bread, rice. Those are the reasons we've gotten to be the sizes we are. If I made up the entire list you can add video games, Farmville, and insulin to it also.

So here we are... 37 points a day. Spinach salad was 6 for those of you still following! We're going to Seattle tomorrow. I'll be back Sunday, I'm sure you will all be waiting with bated breath to see what kind of diaters nightmare I find my way out of. 24hrs isn't long enough to do too much damage right? 

Also since I didn't finish this post til getting home I'd like to share that I stayed within my points today! Wooot!! Goodnight yall!

Tuesday Morning

Getting ready for work I was in my obligatory stance in front of the mirror. Mike of course wasting my morning and hovering nearby. I looked over at him and then back to the mirror. "This is getting bigger" I whined at him pointing at my spare tire. "Yeah..." What kind of response is that?! No sugar coating, no lamenting tone; just a flat "yeah". I guess it was better that way. It could have stung more if he had then reached for my boob. Then it would have pointed out the fact that my boobs are smaller than my fat possibly cream filled (ewww) center. I have no one to blame for my shape than myself. Well I'd like to place some blame on the sunflower seed industry. I never had stopped to really look at the nutritional label on those things until last night! Christ! They really should come with a warning label.
I got into work and scanned through my emails... I missed the "waist watchers" meeting the girls were having that morning. Like I really need a meeting to watch my waist. I watch it get bigger every time I look in the mirror! That's another thing that really should be outlawed... But alas I digress... Waist watchers: cause we're too cheap to pay for Weight Watchers! Not really. It just seemed a bit steep to slap down $120 for a 10 week commitment. So instead there's now a scale sitting by the fridge in the breakroom. They really should make it a package deal. You want in the fridge? Get on the scale! Yeah I'd loose weight that way... Especially if it had like a locking mechanism that doesn't let it open unless you weigh less than the last time you opened that door. So I'm sitting there thinking yeah I guess I'll join this waist watchers thing and then I thought about weight watchers online. So i figured I'd just combine them. Ok that sounds like a plan! I went back and forth deciding whether or not to do it. In the meantime I went to lunch at Olive Garden with the nerd herd. I'll have salad and a sensible dish! 2 bowls of salad half a plate of angle hair pasta drenched butter and melted mozzarella and 4 pathetic shrimp later I was back at my desk a paid membership to Weight Watchers online at my hot little finger tips! I carefully entered in all the food I'd eaten that day. I started the morning off with a plain bagle (don't get all excited for me yet, keep reading!) with egg, bacon and cheddar (told you so). Then lunch. At least there wasn't anything in the middle right? By the time I entered all that in I had already used all but like 7 of my daily points. Well shit! I can make that work I thought. Especially since fruits and veggies are free on this new plan. That or I'm staring down the barrel of an hour at the gym before dinner. Of course veggies sounded better when you put it like that. Oh how mistaken I was. The nerds wanted to go out to dinner. So dinner consisted of a turkey club on a french roll and steak fries. I happily scarfed half of my weekly bonus points.
Wednesday I'm happy to report went significantly better! Mike and I went to the gym, we only did about a half hour but whatever. Considering we were on a one day on one week off schedule before this was a great improvement. We were there Monday morning too. So half an hour done on the stationary bike. I thought I might die at some points and thanked God I was so close to the ground so it wouldn't be a horrible drop. I stayed within my points for that day and not only that but I decided to go back to the gym after work. Mike was off with the crew and I would otherwise have gone home to a bowl of rice or something just as unhealthy and passed out in front of the couch. So instead I did another half hour this time on the elliptical, again just as close to death as the morning shift but 11 activity points richer! ... Which I demolished tonight...
Oh God bless the Chinese. Chinese new years is today. Although none of us but Chris is chinese we all decided to celebrate at PF Chang's. It will be a long long long time before I go there again. I just can't afford the points. At this rate I'll just just barely be scraping by this weekend. Mike was annoyed that I went to the gym without him last night. I had to explain to him I don't have a choice. I eat as much as he does and yet get 1/2 of the points allotment! I'm a growing girl! Except I'm growing in the wrong direction!!
So here I am putting it out there for the world to see. I'm shaming myself into loosing weight. I won't post a picture of myself in all my glory because I would like to continue my friendship with you all but I will tell you I have returned to my heaviest weight. 234lbs. *hangs head in shame*